Dreaming Out Loud

2010-12-04T00:00:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I'm even here.

But, writing takes away the remorse I feel.

The things you do in the past always come back to haunt you.
Despite how much you've changed, how much you've grown or how much you've learnt.
It'll always creep up when you least expect it.

I, for one, can say that I experienced this first hand.
And, probably, until the day I die.

But I guess that's just a reminder as to how vital decision making is in our lives, every single day.
The smallest of things can actually become the biggest of problems.

And everything seems to revolve around trust.
I realized today too, that, trust, to trust someone, whoever it may be, be it, family, your closest friends, your boyfriend, is the hardest thing to be completely sure of.
How can you really know that the secrets you share with to people, even the ones who you're closest to, will keep it entirely to themselves?
You can't.

Slips of the tongue happen.
But, can you really be furious at him or her?
I guess that, we really are all human, just human, at the end of the day.
Beings who will constantly tumble and fumble. It could've been you who did wrong, who accidentally spilled the beans about something you were supposed to keep to yourself. It could've been you who wished you had never did.

Whatever it is, lesson learnt

2010-06-04T16:26:00.000+08:00

I have moved :) thank you Fief :)

http://itsthedetailsinthefabric.tumblr.com/

Prevention REALLY is better than Cure

2010-06-03T20:11:00.001+08:00

This saddens me. So much that I cried watching it.
And some people find this funny. I don't know how that's at all humanely possible.
What has happened to the responsibility of parents today? REALLY-what?
This obviously is not at all the fault of this naive,ignorant child who doesn't know how to tell right from wrong. This one mistake that his father made by allowing his 18 month old son to try smoking has stripped this poor child of many opportunities that might arise for him in the future, a possibility of a long life; this baby has been stripped of his purity.

Today I found out that a new born baby was left hanging on the fence of the primary school, SK Damansara Jaya just around the corner of my house. Supposedly this was the act of a young teenage mother who couldn't deal with the responsibility that was now thrown on her as a result of a mistake she herself made.

The guard who parols around the neighbourhood found this new born soul.. dead.

2010-06-02T20:37:00.000+08:00

Today was a truly insightful day. Filled with.. mixed feelings.
For some reason, the topic of conversation today revolved around future plans and things that are to come in the future, our NEAR future.
Needless to say that it is just a blink away. I don't know if that excites me.. or scares me. Not because I don't know what I want to do career wise or where I'm headed but the thought of starting anew and ending old routines and habbits makes me a tad bit nervous, just like the rest of the 17 year olds today, I'm sure.

Although I don't attend school very often, I am surprised to say this myself, but I am actually grateful for the ups and downs that I have had in DJ. Eventhough some of the downs I had are things I wish I could erase completely, but as all other trials and tribulations, they have only made me stronger, or so I hope. My 10 school years, 5 of which spent in DJ have been so different from year to year. I have made many different friends, and lost some on the way too but I still believe that everything happens for a reason. I think these past 2 years have been my transition years. I felt like I had to change and to change my surroundings in order to better myself. Some might agree, some might disagree but at that point in my life, during the final months of my Form 3 year, I had to. For the sake of my family, for the sake of my dignity and for the sake of my personal progress. I was clearly at my lowest of lows during my 15th year. I didn't really disclose my true feelings and showed what I really was going through to many people in my life at that time because to be quite honest, I was ashamed. So I branched out a little from my current group of friends, no not because I didn't think they were good people but just because I needed to start fresh and get my head straight again. To some, I could have done it even with the same surroundings but I at the time, I just desperately needed a new environment to help me find clearly what my priorities should be.

The one thing I realised today that has the most reason as to why I choose to put importance to good influence and surroundings is, my baby sister. I can't just live life carelessly, trying to make the most of my youth the way many other youth do today-not referring to all youth.
I, now, have to live my life trying my best to be an example to her, hoping and praying that she doesn't make the same mistakes that I did.

Everyday, I remind myself how lucky I am and how appreciative I am for the things that have happened in my life. And for the people that have come in and out of my life and the events that have taken place in my 17 years of living, good and bad, I am grateful for every,single,thing. Because without it all, I most definitely would not be who I am today.

2010-04-28T16:15:00.001+08:00

I haven't been here in so long. Been so busy!

Today, I skipped school to work on what to present at my interview to hopefully be chosen as one of the 24 PJ Child Councillors. So nervous, but this excites me. I'm so proud of PJ because we are the FIRST city in Malaysia to hold the Children's Forum that MBPJ organised in June last year. We are also the first city to launch the on going goal to become A Child Friendly City and believe me, it's not just about the cleanliness and protection of the children of the city, it goes way beyond this. We are also the first ever city in Malaysia to have a Child Council.

How exciting is that?!

I told myself last year, that I will not let opportunities like this pass me by.

So, I attended the Children's Forum and to be honest, the first one was a little more for the young kiddies. But we,older youth brought this up to MBPJ and suggested to have another forum where it's focus could be more on hearing what we have to say, our suggestions and opinions, and to have consultation among the youths and adults. This one, worked out really well. The idea of a Child Council came from the youth at this very same forum.
And true enough, it's really happening.

I love the fact that I really am seeing the changes and growth in this city. These changes might not be as drastic as I or you would like it to be, but we have to start somewhere. The whole point of sustainable development is to have longevity, to sustain itself throughout the years. And that requires small and steady steps of growth.
In my opinion, we ARE heading in that direction and that's what's important.

--I'm keeping my fingers crossed for this Saturday :)

Naw Ruz '10

2010-03-22T22:42:00.000+08:00

Naw Ruz

This year was by far THE best Naw Ruz i have ever experienced. I cannot remember a time where the community was as high spirited as this. Everyone was so happy, I speak for myself as well ofcourse. This year's fasting month and Naw Ruz was a good one, the best to me. God willing the rest of the year will be as happy, joyful and enlightening as this.

KING YANG. Foxy Mama ;) HAHA

I will remember this till the day I die, I WILL :')

Happy Naw Ruz everyone! <3

Have a great year ahead. Allah-u-abha :)

In the end, I want to be standing at the beginning with you.

2010-03-14T17:05:00.001+08:00

Spending the evening reminiscing on my favourite childhood times : singing to good old Disney soundtracks.

What more can I ask for :)

2010-03-14T16:49:00.001+08:00

I feel more grateful everyday.

I look around me and everything I see, reminds me how much I have that I should be grateful for.

I love what my life is and what it revolves around.
I love my family. I'm so lucky to have been born in this family.
I love my Faith, I feel.. lucky to know that I've been given this bounty. I'm so grateful to be one of the early Baha'is in this world. Yes, there are Baha'is all over the world. The second fastest growing religion in the world, after over one and a half centuries. And I am truly happy to be a part of this Cause.
I love my cousins, the people I know that I'm bonded with for life, the people I grew up with, the people that have walked the same path of service I've walked, and the memories of doing all of that.. together.
I love my friends. I love how after all these years, I'm happy about where I am and who I spend my time with. I love the fact that we aren't at all anything close to similar when it comes to style, personality or character, but what keeps our bonds tight are the values and principles we share.
I love how my Grandpa sends us random emails to remind us the little things that we tend to forget. I love my grandparents.
I love Shayna. I love Sunil and I love Sonia for being people that I trust with my life. For being the cause of my happy days, my never ending laughter and even my sad days. I love that they never turn their backs on me no matter what I do. I know that they will always love, support, encourage and make me a better person. I know that they have my absolute best interest in mind. Not just because they are my siblings, but because they are.. my best friends.
I love that my life is purposeful. I love that I have a certain purpose to fulfill in this life. Something so powerful, something I'm truly blessed with.

Everything I see and experience everyday that makes me feel this way, the things that put good tears in my eyes, the things that make me excited, the things that make me feel like I have butterflies in my stomach, the things that amaze me, and the people that touch my lives are all images and reflections of God.

I'm a true believer in hope and faith. Things will have to get worse before it can get better. But, that's okay because I know that things WILL get better and really, things do.

but why?

everything I said above, that's why.
that's what keeps me going.

last week of the fast, don't pass too quickly, please? :')

What made my day today was..

2010-03-12T16:01:00.010+08:00

having Mommy SURPRISE me by coming home early :') Mommy planned the whole thing with Papa. you evil, EVIL parents :p

I was using the computer when I heard the bell ring. Aunty Ellen opened it, and I heard her say "Madam! you're home!" I was so confused, I thought I heard it wrong. I ran downstairs only to find my mommy walking up the front porch.
thank goodness she's home.
our household is finally back to normal!

2010-03-07T17:04:00.002+08:00

2007 : London

LOVE:)

2010-03-07T07:45:00.001+08:00

I need mommy right now :'(

2010-03-05T10:28:00.003+08:00

People that always leave me with a smile on my face and good tears in my eyes :

yesterday night was :')

I LOVE you fam.

The Fasting Month

2010-03-04T17:36:00.008+08:00

So, it's the 3rd day of the fasting month.

I was at Navin's mom's house for break fast on the first day, and ofcourse, Grandpa spoke a little about what the fast means. We often equate the fast with spirituality ofcourse, but I think most of the time it becomes more material than spiritual. Sometimes I forget the mere essence and reason behind why we fast, but that Tuesday night, Grandpa helped me remember. Because of fasting, and because it is, IF we don't think it through, a material hardship. What I mean is that, well, we start to feel hungry, thirsty,etc and most of the time, that almost becomes a veil to me forgetting what the fasting month is really all about because really, sometimes I forget and I tend to want to just get through the day as quickly as possible to break fast :/

Yes, we abstain from food and drink from the break of dawn until the sun sets at night. Yes, we have to resist all temptations of wanting to satisfy our hungry bellies during the midday, but I think it's not just abstaining from these material things. At the end of the fasting month, after having resisted the temptations materially, I think it would help me resist the worldly temptations that we face in our every day lives. It makes us people with stonger will power, it'll make me a stronger person I hope.

The purpose of the fast, now, to me, is to help us mould ourselves to become better people and to start the year holding on to and practicing the new things that we might've not learnt if it wasn't for the fasting month.

And yes, some people might ask, "Why can't you practice those virtues everyday of the year?", "Why have a specific fasting month to only realise the things that you can realise even without the fasting month?", "Shouldn't we know and do this everyday already?"

and well.. Yes.

But we are all only human, and well.. unfortunately, I think everybody needs a good reminder. I know I do. The fasting month is that to me.

Have a good 16 days left :)

And Ma, if you're reading this, I miss you! and I hope you're having a good time fasting in cold cold New York :)

Break fast with the youth and Juan tonight :') cant.wait!

Ayyam-i-ha '09

2010-02-27T12:09:00.007+08:00

Happy HAPPY Ayyam-i-ha :)

Shayna got Uncle Sha'in's gift which I thought was genius, he gave her a plant. Very in sinc with his Duniaku environmental programme :)

my boo boo's :)

Ayyam-i-ha yesterday was perfect.

This year felt extra special. Lots more smiles, laughter, and I think everyone was very charitable :)

These are the days that I look forward to most in the year. It's just something about these days that makes me constantly smile. Maybe it's the old traditions, reigniting memories since I was a little kid, singing the Ayyam-i-ha song(that's my favourite part (: ) and I love it when we're all together, happy, excited, thankful to just be around each other. I'm always happy when I'm with the community, my ever so amazing community :)

This year's fasting month is going to be a little different than the years before. Mommy's in New York for a United Nations conference, Papa's leaving for Vietnam tomorrow for work and yes, that means they won't be with us for the fist week of the fasting month :(

So, it's just us kiddos.

Waking up at 5 every morning, helping Aunty Ellen cook breakfast for open fast, set the table, say our prayers, and have a good breakfast before dawn. Some people might despise the thought of having to fast, but I love the fasting month. It's on the last 19 days of the year, the last Baha'i month before we celebrate Nawruz.

I feel like it's to help kick start the new year. To remind us of our priorities, of our purpose, to be thankful, to remember to rely on God. It reminds me that the sacrifices I make are nothing close to what the prophets had to go through for the sake of humanity. It makes all my problems seem so trivial, and it gives me strength to know that, if so many other people can sacrifice and go through such hardships for the sake of the Faith, I can get through the little trivial problems I'm facing now.

The fasting month isn't only for us to practice these virtues during the fasting month itself, but also to remind us to put it to practice throughout the upcoming year.

Hopefully, I will, I'll try my very best :)

Just two more days till the fasting month begins.

So, Allah'u'abha to all the Baha'is around the world :)

Have a good two last days of Ha, and have a great fasting month ahead :)

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be.

2010-02-21T20:26:00.003+08:00

:')

This week's been a good week :) REALLY HEH.

I think everyone masks how they truly feel. Or maybe it's just me, being a little defensive. Do you?

Anyway, i think it's time I get serious about SPM. It might be somewhat trivial to some, but to me, I think I really need to do well, to at least TRY to get a schollarship, help the parents a little.

I need to take things seriously now,mhm!

Visualising starts today. Goodbye distractions, hello books!

& oh yes, Ayyam-i-ha's in a week, which also means that the fasting month is just around the corner. Just when I needed a good relaxing, reflecting atmosphere to remind myself about my priorities and to be grateful for what I have around me, it comes right at me,yay:)

I love March.

for FIEFIE

2010-02-13T19:01:00.002+08:00

Fie's party :

Sang for you cause you asked :')

I love this picture, I love you guys! heh:)

and you, my Batai fam:)

I hope your birthday turned out the way you wanted it to be.

I love you so much Fie :')

All I need.

2010-02-11T16:53:00.007+08:00

Maybe I don't have quantity but I have quality.

and maybe I don't have as many as you do, but aren't we all different, and well, I'm going to be appreciative about the diversity in all our lives. I will never be like you, I will probably never have the same things you do, I might not see things the way you see it, but that's okay, because I'm happy about where I am, what I have, where I'm going and who I am.

Yes I've made mistakes but haven't we all?

"Breathe not the sins of others so long as thou art thyself a sinner"

Forgiveness isn't easy. Probably one of the hardest things in life, but I'm going to buck up the will and courage to do it anyway even if you don't care, even if you don't do the same because I don't want to ever live my life knowing that I held a grudge towards another person, I will never have ease of mind. So I'll change my ways but at the same time, stay true to who I am and what I believe in.

-----------------------------------------------

On a lighter note, today's the 11th of Feb -

Two very important people are another year older;

Gramps who has turned 29 yet again! haha (he turns 79 today) :p

and Pradheep, my confidant, my dose of laughter, my best best friend :')

Him and I sorta lost touch last year. We just.. stopped talking as much after awhile and well maybe that's because of our little downfall the year before. We've been through a million things, a million ups and downs, seriously but what I realised this year is that despite us not talking, despite having conflicts in the past, despite our crazy situations or well my crazy situations, he never once and I mean it when i say NEVER stopped caring, he never failed to be there for me when I needed him. I think I took that for granted before but I never will again :) and to see him grow so much this year and last has made me really happy, because really, he is an amazing guy, an amazing friend :')

and Nuraina Afiqah, I love you cooking mate! Tomorrow's(the 12th of Feb) your birthday and well, an early wish to you la kay. I think the both of us never expected to be as close as how we are now. I don't think anyone expected it, but well, life isn't planned right? and I'm happy things worked out the way it did, because I've learned things from you guys this year and last that I have never before. Despite your utter crazy ways, your retarded gestures, your loud loud weird noises that you make, you're an amazing friend, a best friend :')

We never let distance and the fact that we might not always be able to talk get in the way of our friendship. We're low maintainence friends aren't we? and well, maybe it doesn't work for other people, but it works for us and at the end of the day, that's what matters :)

You've taught me to embrace who I am and not to be afraid to just be myself. You've always supported the things I do and showered me with so much love and happiness and I sayang you so much, Fie :)

--------------------------------------------

Joy radiates from me today. I'm a happy girl.

2010-02-05T20:13:00.002+08:00

I sometimes feel like I have to show that I'm strong.

I think I'm dead scared of being vulnerable and insecure.

For some reason, I look up to people who are able to show their insecurities and vulnerability to the rest of the world. Unfortunately, I don't find it as easy as many other people do.

I often feel like I'm the only one feeling this, though I know that other people feel it too, and I do, I do try telling myself that it's okay because I'm not really alone, I'm not the only one feeling this, but that still doesn't take away what I feel.

So many things I wish I could change, but I don't want to keep holding onto something that I want to change but might not be able to. It really does kill me inside sometimes, I just.. don't show it. I'm scared to. I'm scared that if I do show it, I won't receive the reaction I want. Yeah, not good, I know, I shouldn't have such expectations. I'm just afraid of getting hurt. I'm afraid of trying too hard and then feeling insecure because I might not have gotten the reaction I wanted.

My intentions are/were never to hurt, never to ruin anything, never, really. I just handled some things wrong.

I didn't realise this before. Unlucky me, the realisation came a little too late.

What am I to do. We live, we learn,right?

So there, I'm going all out, I'm going to be vulnerable, I'm going to say what I really feel and not always put up a strong wall.

and I actually feel alot better now.

Venting is good.

good weekend ahead, please.

On another note, my love and prayers are with the Iranian Baha'is. Court trial is dated for Saturday. Such bravery brings me to tears.

Last Request.

2010-01-17T18:19:00.004+08:00

Newest obsession thanks to Zhien.
Paulo Nutini! :)

good day,peeps!

2010-01-15T23:52:00.002+08:00

I'm so used to being certain about my future. I'm not that certain anymore.

I just want to know, that when I make that decision about what my future career path will be, that it is the right one and not just to settle for mediocracy. To me, it's a huge deal, and we all know this already I guess, but we still only have one chance, and when I do it, I want to do it right.

Homework for this weekend : research interesting jobs! with the hope of finding what I'm looking for.

Papa's birthday is in exactly two minutes :)
Happy Birthday Paps! Love you :)

YAWA is awesome.

2010-01-15T16:55:00.005+08:00

Another "STAND UP FOR CHANGE ; An Open Mic Night" event was held last Sunday and it was so good. I didn't organise it this time, a bunch of young adults did with the help and support of my dearest Mommy :)

photos taken from Alayna's cam :) (thankyou!)

we performed "Zombie by the Cranberries" again but we switched it up a little with Ally and Zhien this time, so last minute! but so much fun :)

The one performance that stood out for me was by this youth group called YAWA(Yayasan Anak Warisan Alam)

(yup, this is them (: )

They're an environmental group that make instruments out of recyclable material, yes they MADE the instruments ALL BY THEMSELVES, (how superbly awesome is that?!) and they play percussion music. They were the last performance that day, and really, they were so good and so energetic and just so much fun to watch and to participate with! and for people with no background in percussion music, they were BEYOND good, no joke! They made us all stand up and do little routined claps with them, ha ha alot of fun, i was smiling and giggling all the way through :)

So okay, I'm talking too much again. Just watch the video, this one was 2 years ago (I dont have one of the performance on Sunday :( ), they have improved tremendouslyyyy since then I assure you, but such good work anyway :)

I'd LOVE to join, but ah, beats and me, well, we just.. don't work too well together.

hehe.

Change your thoughts and you change your world.

2010-01-08T19:11:00.004+08:00

First week of school - over.

School hasn't been so bad,actually. I don't mind it as much now.

Another thing I must stick to this year : GOING to school he he :p

but to think that the year didn't start off too well, it doesn't exactly make me jump for joy, but I always know..

that with crisis comes victory and now that, that keeps me going.

2010-01-03T18:53:00.002+08:00

happy new year, all.

tomorrow's the day when the new year really kicks in : school :/

Let love open the door.

2010-01-01T22:16:00.006+08:00

Another year, this is quick.

Mommy said my 16th year was by far my best :') I hope I did good enough.

This year was different to me than every other year because I felt like I was spending my time productively.

I realised that in my years of youth, I want to make the most out of the precious time I have, considering that when we're older, we won't have the same amount of time that we're gifted with now, and I don't want to throw it to waste.

Time is something I treasure.

The opportunities I was given this year made this year that more special ;

the children's forum,

serving at Mentari :),
following Uncle Sha'in to Pure Life Society,
the few workshops we held at the DJROA centre for youth,
the leadership camp that I will never ever forget, it'll be stuck with me forever :)

The quote by Mahatma Ghandi relates so much to me this year, "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."

That's my quote for 2009 :)

2008 wasn't exactly my best year, I guess I just took things for granted, and I don't think I really understood who I was and what I should be doing, but all that changed as soon as 2009 came. I finally got my head straigh, thank God, after going to Mentari; my constant reminder to lead a good life.

The one thing I loved about 2009 is that, my siblings and I are so much closer than we've ever been before.
and that, means more to me than anyone can understand because my love for them exceeds anything in this world :)

My relationship with Mummy has been more than I could ever wish for, Mommy's been my constand guidance, my number one go to person, THE person I want to emulate.
And.. actually, I would have never been able to pick myself up after my downfall in '08 if it wasn't for Mommy's endless love for me. Mommy really is the most compassionate person I know. Haih :) I love you so much,Ma.

Papa's been my good dose of laughter everyday. Whenever he comes home, the house just lights up, everyone smiles and is suddenly so much more energetic :) He's got that sorta vibe. His tough love but soft heart is such an interesting balance, I love that about Papa. My young hearted Papa, I love you :)

Another thing I realised is that, my holidays was spent mostly with my cousins. I can't count the many things we did together this year, let alone this holidays. Every moment spent you guys is something I treasure :)
From serving together in Mentari, from singing together in NawRuz, or just singing together for fun(acapella times (: ), going for camps together, doing Ruhi, PENANG :'),EMPOWER programmes, new year's eve, our ocassional movie dates, and the other countless things that I can't seem to remember now > :)

The new and old friends I met this year contributed to a good year. Although I don't exactly spend much time with my friends, my appreciation for what they've done for me, or just their presence in my life is never forgotten.
A certain few have made my life so much happier, so much more interesting and exciting.
Whatever it is, although I don't say this much or I guess I just haven't been around but I appreciate the little things and the big things that everyone has done for me. Everything that happened, or that you guys have done has helped me become the person I am today :) and well I don't pick and choose who I love, I'm just glad to have everyone that I've met this year, everyone that has been there for me, the times when I'm out with any of you, the times when any of you make my life that little bit better by just having a conversation.
To anyone and everyone who has crossed my path, thank you :)

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So, today's the start of a new year.

Usually I'd think about my resolutions while watching the fireworks, but this year, I just don't have any.

I'm just going to take it day by day.

All I know is that I want to make the most out of this year : to be optimistic about what's to come, to lead a good life, to remember to love everybody, to just be a friend to everyone as much as I can, to remember to never take my family for granted, and yes, to do well in the upcoming exams; time to prove to myself that I do have it in me,

and to just be happy.

To a good,happy, joyous year.

"It's not where we're going, but who we're with" :)

2009-12-22T00:14:00.013+08:00

Oh yes, it has come and gone :(

Four days didn't seem like enough to any of us, leaving was so hard although we know we were gonna see each other the next day hehe :p

We never really have big family holidays like this, so, this one, it was a big deal.

The last time we were all together on a holiday was when my aunty from the US came down about 10 years ago. So really, it has been a long time.

But to me, the most important thing about this holiday was to have my grandparents with us. They weren't too keen on going at first, but we convinced them to come in the end, and I am more than glad that they did come, cause it might be a bit too long before we have our next Sreeni holiday.

pretty view,mm? :)

I had Shania Twain's "You've Got a Way" playing the whole way to Penang, the same song, yes the same song, a little much I know but I just love the song so much, no idea why, it just makes me >:)

and I had my crackbud with me to make the trip there a tinsy bit more comfortable he he :p

(thanks for letting me lean on you, hug you, litterally put my whole body on you without you muttering a word nyehe loveyou) that's why I always sit next to you in the car,sissy :)

Day one, we headed to Ipoh first, to eat yummy dim sum, mmm :) and then we all headed to Penang, to Sua Tau Lane to have delish hawker food but the old man that used to sell the yummy kaya pancakes isn't there anymore! So I searched everywhere for it, but noooo, I still couldn’t find it. SIGH, big spoiler :(

For the next few days, we just spent alot of quality time together.

we put our bags down.

3 minutes later, we were at the beach.

:) (this includes sunil, he's always been one of the girlies! haha)

I could sit and watch the waves for hours.

It's so calming and peaceful :')

The captain ball & volleyball matches in the beach,

Being THE loudest people there(haha what's new),

Burrying Ati in the sand ;she's too cute. Such a drama queen la our little “POmelo Anderson” running in the beach in her one piece suit. Oh, Baywatch flashback! Hehe :p

Watching Gramps play volleyball with us, he never does that! :’) Which almost 80 year old can you say that about!?,

Ordering ONE burger from room service and splitting it amongst the 5 of us haha and paying it with Sunil's coins!,

PARASAILING! I only have a picture of Shayna all geared up, the cam died on me :( buuuut yay! I finally did it, although I was so freaked out before going, I'm afraid of heights! but after all that hastle, I was so relieved that I actually did it, hee :) everyone did it except my papa :/
It was so calming looking at my legs dangling in the air, feeling the cold breeze, looking at the pretty ocean and plus, i had a good partner, alayna :p

Karaoke : reliving our past with S Club 7, Spice Girls and the Backstreet Boys, with dance moves and everything! hehe, oh good times,

Baby shav sang to Love Story.

Although I don't like that song, when she sang it, I couldn't help but like it, too cute! :p

Anddddd :)

Gramps sang to Frank Sinatra :')

my schweets :)

Watching gramps and meems walking together, holding hands, it makes me feel all fuzzy inside :')

THE most amazing couple alive,

Our everyday pool & snooker games which made me laugh so hard till my tummy ached,

The ENDLESS laughter and weird, crazy, sadistic, retarded jokes in the room HEHE. You guys are real schmucksss,

And on the last day, we decided not to sleep, well Ally, Nil, Alayna and I mostly. We stayed up and talked for hours and hours about random topics, life, love, family, society, everything and then walked out onto the balcony and saw something that we don't usually get to see : a sky that was filled with the most prettiest stars I have seen, it was breath taking :')

yeah.. but nayna dozed off, obviously.

We tried taking pictures of the star-filled sky that night, but, it doesn't look so good on camera :(

Our last night made me really happy, I just love it when we have our late night sessions, it's always so meaningful, I love you girls(and guy) :') and this time, it meant so much more because Ally and Sunil joined us, SUNIL joined us! He isn’t exactly the mushy mushy type, but he really opened up that night :)

Before we headed home, we decided, since Grandpa was with us, and since he hasn't been to Ammama & Achacha's(my Grandpa's parents) grave for years and years now, we'd take a quick two stops to both their burrial grounds, Ammama's in Butterworth and Achacha's in Taiping.

So we visited the grave, said a few prayers as a family for them. Grandpa's usually the strong one in the family, and I never really see him get sad or upset, actually, I never do, but when he was there, praying at his parents grave, he was more emotional than I have ever seen him to be.
I could see how much it meant to grandpa to get to visit his parents grave.

I still have memories of Ammama's funeral.
And I still remember the chants and songs played during her funeral and I'm constantly reminded of her when I hear those songs being played again, though I was so so young when she passed away.
I remember kissing her hand heh :')
I sometimes just get this feeling, when I'm going through a tough time, that she's watching over me, and well that.. that makes me smile.
But the day ended well with Taiping food :) Yeah yeah, we eat alot.

My mummy was talking to a close aunty, and she asked about our holiday, so mommy said “Oh it was great!” and then Aunty started to cry. She said she was reminiscing on her old memories when her family used to go for trips together or just spend time together. Not much anymore.
It just reconfirmed my realization that these little things really are things that I should be so grateful about. I love the fact that I have a huge family, extended family or not, we’re a big family and I absolutely love it. We’re noisy, everyone talks at the same time, I swear, we’re like those Italian families you see on tv hehehe :p We joke, we cry, we EAT, we bake, we fight, we serve together, we organize, we make photo albums to keep for life together :’) we.. love.
In 20 years, we’ll have another huge family holiday and take OUR kids with us. yee :)

anyway

I love you,family.

The Battle at Kruger

2009-12-17T22:11:00.006+08:00

I've been so busy lately that I haven't been able to blog for so long!

I'm still really occupied with things to do so, here's just a video I watched at the Leadership Camp about a week ago. Never in my life have I watched a video this moving.

I'll tell you why, but just watch the video first, very carefully. Watch the whole video.

(Tune out the music - this was the only short video that I found unfortunately with a not-very-good malay song. The one I watched at camp, the music was.. sooo good)

If you watched the video closely, you would've seen the four lions crouching first, getting ready to get it's prey. Then after awhile, one lion goes for the baby buffalo and the other follow behind to help. The few other buffalo's that were with the baby buffalo ran away. So yes, now the lion's fallen into the river, and an alligator comes out and gets hold of the buffalo and the lion and the alligator start tugging on the buffalo, each trying to get something to eat.

But all that is besides the point I'm trying to make.
If you realised, after awhile, all of a sudden, hundreds and HUNDREDS, maybe thousands of buffalo's, I don't know, that huge herd of buffalo's came to save that ONE baby buffalo. I remember, while I was watching this at the camp, I started to tear(yeah I know, you might think "WHAT? she cried about buffalo's and lions ah?!" but seriously, this really moved me) I remember thinking, if animals, creatures without the power of CHOICE, without a consience, can come together just to save ONE baby buffalo, why can't WE, us humans, gifted with the power of CHOICE, with a consience, CANNOT come TOGETHER, UNITED, to help contribute to save our generation, to save the next, or to just help make this world that belongs to.. ALL of us a little bit better.

You know, I learnt this at camp too, about Ownership. Sometimes, we forget that, this world of ours, or the people living in it, it really belongs to every single one of us.

And yeah, everyone says "Yes yes, it's my Earth too, my world too" but if it really is something that BELONGS to us, don't you think that it isn't only the duty of a fraction of the world to make this place better to live in? Shouldn't it then be the duty of ALL of us? I mean, for instance, our room belongs to us, and we take care of it well, because well, it belongs to us, so yes, we want it to be nice and decent and pretty and comfortable, so it's the exact same thing with the world we live in.

Maybe you think that what you do now, has no effect on the betterment of the world. Maybe you think that there are enough people out there trying to make this world a better place to live in. One of the facillitators, Daniel, said "You might not be able to change the whole world but you can change the world of one". Isn't that already really good? Even in the video of the lions and the buffalo's, if you were watching closely, only a few of the buffalo's in the front row attacked the lions, and the rest of them were there, behind all of them, playing their parts, whether it be big or small, they were playing their parts. The impact that it made, when ALL of those buffalo's came together united, made all the difference in the world. We think sometimes that it's only the work of the government, the NGO's, or activists to be the ones upfront, okay well, that's who we SEE doing all the work, and we think that's enough and we always say "Leave it to them to do it", but it really does make all the difference in the world if everyone, and I mean, everyone, comes together, works together for something that really, we all want. The little things that we do to contribute really does make a difference, whether or not you are being noticed for it.

"Not everyone is prominent, but everyone is significant"

Yup.

I love gaining new insights.

leaving for Penang in 8 hours :)

I need a goooood break.

Movers of today.

2009-12-10T21:13:00.002+08:00

Camp was amazing! I had theeeee best time :)

It was by far the most empowering and impactful camp&workshop I have ever been to.

MBPJ did an amazing job asking the Generasi Gemilang young adults/youth to facillitate the leadership camp(in line with helping to create a Child Friendly City of PJ)

yay so happy, and I actually miss everyone at camp!

I've got alot to say about what happened, and I'll post up some pictures too.

But as of now, I'm dead tired and in dire need of rest.

One day of rest, until Saturday, for the Open Mic Night! yay:)

plus, I'm counting down the days to Penang with the cousies d:

7days to go!

2009-12-07T18:36:00.001+08:00

I'm actually excited for camp tomorrow :)

yay:)

Feels like home.

2009-12-06T14:47:00.006+08:00

Things are getting busier by the day.

With the Open Mic Night, the leadership camp in Bukit Tinggi, and some youth activities and meetings in Pantai Dalam.

But.. I kinda like busy. I feel productive,proactive, and useful.

Now, that's how I want to spend my holidays. Doing things that I might not be able to do as much once school starts, something productive and meaningful.

I want to make the most out of the time I have.

But time's passing so quickly, that, I don't like.

But.. here's to a good December :)

Penang in 12 days with my favourite people. yay:)

Stand up for change ; An Open Mic Night

2009-11-30T15:24:00.006+08:00

A few other youth and I are organising an Open Mic Night for sustainable development. Details on the event are stated in an invitation in the above. So, please take a look at it :) (Click to get a better view of the invite)

If you can't read the details above(Sorry, it's a little blurry. I don't know how to change a document into a picture,yeee ): ), here are the details :

Date : Saturday, 12th December '09

Time : 7.30 pm - 10.00 pm

Venue : DJROA Community Centre, Damansara Jaya

RSVP to me(or write in my cbox) or to this address : standup4change.youth@gmail.com

If you'd like to take part and perform for the Open Mic Night, please call me @ 012-3477049 and I will explain to you further details. You can sing a song, dance, read a monolog, act out a skit, read a poem, anything artistic will do. The only requirement is that it has to be about sustainable development, or about any social issue.

Or.. you can just come and watch others perform but also take part in the other segments of the evening :)

It's going to be an interesting night filled with insightful perspectives and artistic performances, with a nice full crowd (crossing fingers! :D) :)!

Please let me know latest by the 4th of December if you'd like to attend. Limited seats, so please hurry :)

See you there! Hopefully :)

2009-11-28T01:34:00.002+08:00

It is 1.34 am now.

34 minutes after the Ascension of Abdu'l-Baha and for the first time in my 16 years of life, I feel so connected, more than before.

Today's programme was amazing.

I couldn't stop thinking about the dream I had when I was 9.

That little boy who saved me in my dream turned out to be You. That never fails to put a smile on my face.

I don't usually remember any of my dreams but this one, it stuck with me, and.. hopefully until the day I die :)

Our Angel

2009-11-22T22:33:00.005+08:00

Yesterday : Jayattan's Memorial.

The slideshow of Uncle's entire life was being shown but the only thing I could hear or pay attention to was the grief and sorrow that my aunty, Jayanthi felt. She was crying, no, weeping with Sanjay in her arms ; he was crying too. That was the loudest and most devastating cries I have ever heard. I couldn't imagine how she was feeling. I still can't. I realised that I cry and weep sometimes for the littlest of things, I sometimes forget to appreciate my Mummy or my Papa, Shayna,Sunil or Sonia, and especially right now, my grandparents. I don't want to wait for their last breath before I feel guilty for the way I've treated them, I don't want to wait until they aren't alive for me to wish that I had treated them or anyone for that matter, better. Jayanthi experienced a terrible loss, and so did we but ofcourse, she was affected by it most.

Yesterday, I realised how wonderfully amazing my granduncle was. He was actually one of the youngest in the family, just a little over his 60's but he was always the one who stood out most amongst the 8 siblings. He was the one who first initiated our very first big family gathering with the thought of only wanting to bring the family in unity, for all of us to appreciate,love and be united. He always put family first.

Jayanthi said this last night, that when Jayattan was first diagnosed with cancer, the first thing he said was "Let's throw a party! Get everyone to come, the whole family, call everyone and let's have a party."

Really.. how many people do you know that would say that?

His joyous spirit was so immense and so great that eventhough I never really got the chance to know him well, he left a huge mark in my heart just by being the jovial, loving spirit of the family.

I do love my uncle although I never really knew him well and I know that he's okay now.

EMPOWER.

2009-11-18T21:47:00.007+08:00

EMPOWER

It feels like forever since I last blogged.

Anyway.

The EMPOWER Workshop finally happened.This workshop happened last Saturday and is actually and hopefully one of the many workshops that EMPOWER will be organizing. The whole purpose of EMPOWER speaks for itself, to empower youth to become agents of change.

Inspiring is one thing, but to empower, it lasts long, it motivates and enables people to actually DO something, to pay it forward and not just to sit around and think “Wow, that was a great workshop. It really made me think.” , but to actually empower youth to be a part of change.I was actually really amazed at the turn out. I didn’t expect to see so many people but I was so glad that these youth came, it really made me happy inside :) The main facilitator that day was Fiona, who works for United Nations and has facilitated many of these workshops before.

The theme last Saturday was “Self Esteem”.

One of the activities that we did was called “Shopping Spree”.

We made believe four stalls.
One of which I “owned” :)

We had stickers that stated characteristics of people like fat,short,casual,sporty,pimply,plain,sexy,pretty, etc. We stuck these stickers onto each participant’s forehead without them knowing what was said on the stickers. So, they had no clue what kind of person they were, they just had to go with the flow. The participants would go to each shop and the owner of the shops would treat each person according to what is stated on the sticker. At the end of the game, the participants would attempt to guess what kind of person they were. Then, we talked about how different people get treated based on their physical attributes.

Then we had an activity that broke the group into two different groups and just discussed about self esteem. I saw a few people from school that came for the workshop, and some of them were very outspoken about the types of peer pressure we face in school, the way certain people get judged just because they might be a little different from the norm, how some people feel the need to be a certain way just to fit into the mould that society creates.

But then, in the end, it was nice to see how everyone began to realize that there is no reason to constantly please society but to be happy with yourself and if you’re happy with who you are, then you shouldn’t have the need to follow what society asks of you to do. The last activity was a Pay It Forward activity. Like I said earlier, this workshop isn’t only to inspire but to empower these young bright youth to become agents of change, to become the driving force of the transformation of society.

Just a few from the many photos :

Overall, it was a good, productive, insightful, energizing and empowering day.
I’ll post up the dates for the next workshops(hopefully!) next time.

Do come! :)

2009-11-07T22:04:00.008+08:00

I don't know if you've realised but, Google is so cute with it's "Sesame Street" theme! It was Bert and Ernie one day, Big Bird another, Cookie Monster d: and today it's Oscar the Grouch!

See!

Ah, I bet everyone knew this, but still. I miss Sesame Street. I miss being young and small. Everything seemed so simple before.

Here we go, there's nothing left to choose.

2009-11-06T23:36:00.007+08:00

Two tearful movies in a day - My Sister's Keeper, The Time Traveller's Wife, no, not doing me any good.

I don't understand why I watch sad movies when I'm sad, stupid, yeah, stupid, but I do it anyway.

Mat Kearney all night long. I need to get my head straight again.

This time, I want to forget. Please let me.

I'm just gonna take a deep breath in, and forget.

I need...

2009-11-06T11:34:00.002+08:00

a big dose of hugs.

2009-11-04T16:28:00.005+08:00

I had the best sleep today, well, the best in about a month!

Anyway I'm only posting something up today because well.. today, someone very special turns 18,yet another year older.

Hi Sukh :) I wanted to call you and text you at midnight, but well, I couldn't, I have no credit.

Well anyway, happy birthday! It's been awhile since we spoke and I miss you! HEH

Remember when you used to be my... (I'm hesitating writing this because it's so embarassing!but...) "petbro" and I was your umm "petsis" (gags) I can't believe we used to say that haha but :) It seems like it was just yesterday but it really was abooooout 5 years ago! Woah. Time's really passing too fast. I always respected you for your strength(inner strength d: don't get funny ideas) and your faith. I think you're a good role model for other youth today.

(no picture with you ): )

We'll go out, my treat(since I'm just too free now d: ) :)

Happy Birthday,love!

2009-11-02T21:13:00.005+08:00

It's so crazy how we condemn others so easily. It's like the "new trend" today is to be rude and to use foul language. I don't understand how that can be. Foul words come out so easily nowadays. It's almost as if we've forgotten that we have a conscience. I admit, it never really mattered to me before, about the use of foul language but.. times have changed, things have changed, and I would like to think that I am a changed person,not perfect at all, no no, just changed, I hope.

I don't know, I guess, sometimes, I truly do get hurt when people use such language, or say harmful things just for the sake of making you angry. Most of the time, I think, I don't really show how vulnerable I am, well, maybe because I don't want to. I think I get scared sometimes, to show my vulnerability. I think that's because of my past, and because I was so vulnerable before, I'm scared because well, I don't want to go back to my past. Not that I'm forgetting my past, I will forever remember it, as a constant reminder to never repeat it again but back to my point, harmful words will and can never resolve anything. Harmful words only harm others, and mostly, yourself. In the end, we live our own lives, we choose what we want to say or do and in the end, we only have ourselves to blame, we are answerable to God for our own faults. So technically, we are only harming ourselves when we harm other people.

I just wish that we would actually use this precious gift God has given only to us (our conscience, our right mind) and stop ourselves before using such words, to think about the consequences, and then.. act.

2009-10-18T14:42:00.001+08:00

Nil was thinking of what to wear to prom, so he took out his suit but instead of wearing it himself, hehehehe, Nayna tried it on :D!

Ah,yes,that's my baby sistah,alright.

2009-10-18T10:50:00.004+08:00

I had a goooood dinner with the family at our usual dinner spot :)

:)

Here's to a productive Sunday, full day of studying. 3 more days!

2009-10-18T10:04:00.002+08:00

This picture, yes, it's the same picture that's on top ^

I was browsing through old holiday photos and found this :)

It was so serene there oh and there were seals on the beach! I love animals.

La Jolla, San Diego. It exudes perfection.

2009-10-17T18:19:00.003+08:00

My Nayna has her own blog now :p

Being the big ol' (and good d:) sister, I decided to help her with the layout,title,da da da.

You aaaare welcome, baby sis :)

www.thebridgeovertroubledwater.blogspot.com

And yes, may this be a good fresh start.

Love you.

These wounds won't seem to heal.

2009-10-15T14:48:00.005+08:00

I think I'm in love. No,really,I really think so.
I remember posting a video of him(ortoPilot) a couple of weeks ago.
I never really cared for this song before. I suppose I just didn't like it much? But after listening to his cover, I was in awe, mostly of him.

He's really really good and notice his accent when he sings this part :
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years"
It's so.. *big huge happy in love sigh*
I get butterflies in my tummy listening to that :)

So good :)

You left me feeling high and dry.

2009-10-14T15:35:00.003+08:00

I couldn't sleep at all last night :/
So, I was listening to songs on my mp3 in hopes that it would stop my mind from thinking so much and well, to ease my mind.

I was listening to a few Rooster songs and *sigh* I miss them!
I remember how crazy I was about them. I absolutely looove Rooster.

I don't know, some of you might not like them. Actually, I've heard alot of people telling me how much they don't like Rooster but I kinda like 'em. They've got a different vibe. They're just.. different but I love :) Their lyrics are so so, but for some odd reason, their music makes me happy. Their live performances are actually pretty good too and and the lead singer, Nick Atkinson,oooh, I looooove him. That husky,rough voice can melt,literally and his extremely good looks is a plus :)

Two of my favourites :)

Unfortunately, the band split after their second album :(

2009-10-11T20:25:00.005+08:00

I found this pretty pretty flower/plant in my backyard.

I just realised that I haven't exactly taken the time to observe the things around my house.

Mm, the wonders of beauty, the wonders of God :)

2009-10-11T14:45:00.009+08:00

I think everyone knows what the right thing to do is but yet, we do the complete opposite,including myself. I get so angry at myself sometimes.

Sometimes, when I'm about to do something that isn't quite right, I find myself arguing with myself almost,contradicting myself. I realised that my inner voice is always right. I need to remember to listen to it more often :)

Despite knowing what the right thing to do is, we keep doing the total opposite.
and some people say "That's just the way I am, I can't change who I am" or "Why can't you except me for who I am?" How is it possible that doing the wrong thing makes you who you are,right?

But then didn't God create all of us noble and good and pure?
So, isn't that who we really, truly are?
What I'm trying to say is that, we shouldn't put in our mind that we do the wrong things because we have to or because that's just the way we are, we should at least strive with all our might to make the right choices in life, and to remember how we were created in the first place.

"Noble have I created thee, yet thou hast abased thyself. Rise then unto that for which thou wast created."
-Baha'u'llah

Okie dokes, off to study.

Hello :)

2009-10-11T00:13:00.016+08:00

Yuna - Deeper Conversation from adam on Vimeo.

I was browsing through Soul Pancake when I came across this question,

If you were to write a one-line message on a paper plane that a stranger would find, what would you say?

I have yet to figure that out.

But then again, I think a simple "Hello" and a warm smile can make a person's day. Well, I know a simple "Hello :)" would make my day.

Society today almost makes us think that it's just "weird" and "confusing" when a random person says "Hello" and flashes a big,bright smile at you but why?
Is is wrong to be friendly and say Hello or Goodmorning? or smile at you, just.. because.

Some people might think that it's a small step for society(in Malaysia) to overcome this, but I think it's a big step. Our culture has yet learnt this.
But then, some people are scared due to safety reasons. Mhm, I remember talking about this during Ruhi last Saturday, and you know, to me, in my opinion, it's okay to say Hello and smile at someone you don't know but I'm not saying you have to cater to eeeeveryone. Everything we do requires thought and wisdom. For example, if a suspicious looking person were to come up to you and say Hello and started asking you personal questions and it didn't seem safe, you shouldn't just follow him and da da da, you get what I mean.

I just think it would be nice to walk out of your home, and to have a neighbour you've never met before say "Hello", or even to walk in the street and to have someone smile at you and wish you "Goodmorning :)". Wouldn't that make you feel so warm,happy and loved?

I remember in my visit to the U.S. a couple of years ago, the people there were so warm and welcoming. People in the street would say Hello and smile at you and that made me feel so warm,happy and loved inside.
Even the cashiers at the grocery store would just start random conversations with you, asking you "How are you today?", "Has your day been good so far?" and things like that. Wouldn't that be so nice?

I think that's one of the things we should learn from Western culture, to be friendly and warm to everyone.

You are my heart, little sister.

2009-10-10T23:46:00.008+08:00

I managed to patch things up.

For my baby sister, Shayna ;

I had fun with you today.
Doing a few covers with you,
Jogging with you, laughing like idiots trying to pull my shorts up that kept falling down while we were jogging and ended up stopping because I couldn't jog with falling shorts (hehe)
So, at the park, we sat on the swing, and talked, alot :)
I cannot remember the last time we did that. I don't think we've ever talked like that before but it was good, a good change.
Now, I really feel like we're sisters(haha). Well maybe because we've never really just... talked? but ah anyway I looove you.

For my little sister :)

Jess Delgado's voice is amazing.
She reminds me of Norah Jones.

2009-10-09T22:08:00.004+08:00

Okay,huge shift of emotion from my last post.

I watched this from Soul Pancake and it's just.. hillarious!

A true born speaker, indeed :p

It's time to repaint myself.

2009-10-09T12:11:00.008+08:00

Mummy and I were just talking about it yesterday.
About the person he is, or rather.. was.
The doctor asked Aunty Molly to call the family to go down to Singapore.
I think everyone knew it was time.
but there was still a slight doubt in my mind that it wouldn't happen so fast.

I don't know him well and we weren't very close but the times when he was around, I could feel the warmth and love he had for the family and for everyone he met.
When we had the big family reunions, he was always the funny, fun loving, happy, and loving one. Despite not talking to him, I could see that he just really wanted everyone to be happy.
Mummy said what he really wanted was for the family to be united. I think he made it happen.
I've never really experienced loss, except when my great grandmother passed away, but then again, I was really little back then, only 5.
I see things differently now.

Like how Mummy was telling me yesterday when we were talking about uncle,

Life's too short for hatred and anger.

I realised, on my death bed, whenever that may be, I'd want to be satisfied and happy and fulfilled about who i am, and know that I have given more than enough and hopefully contributed my part to better the world.

Mhm, which reminds me, I've got alot to work on and I'm not going to wait another day before I start to change or at least to try my very best.

I have some things that I must patch up today. It kills me to think that I'm only doing this now, after what happened but I guess.. at least, now, I know.

I hope he's happy, wherever he may be.
I know that he's not suffering anymore. He's in good hands.

God bless his soul.

9th October 2009, 1.45 am : My granduncle, Jayattan, passed away.

In such an ugly world, something so beautiful.

2009-10-05T20:44:00.004+08:00

This never gets old :)

Please,stand by me.

2009-10-03T23:11:00.009+08:00

I had a long Saturday yesterday.
A good Sunday today,I hope.

I had Ruhi yesterday.
Uncle Naren told us to watch this clip about three siblings in Africa struggling to survive.
It's just terrifying and painful to watch.
But that's reality and that's what's really happening today.

It's too sad.

All we can do is keep breathing.

2009-10-01T14:24:00.007+08:00

Sometimes, listening to other people's take on the world is a little painful, it's almost.. depressing.
I feel that alot of us have lost hope, and given up on the world.
I wouldn't blame them. Yes, the world is crumbling right in front of our eyes, with murder, rape, kidnapping, war, prejudice, stereotypes, hatred, and disunity amongst everyone.
We see it everywhere. So, how can someone actually be positive anymore, right? How can we possibly have hope if times are just getting harder and harder, if the world continues to get worse? Maybe that's why hope is lost.

The conditions in the world are indeed getting worse, but yet, we wait and watch other people try their very best to make it better, instead of ourselves.

We cannot possibly keep saying that we want peace and unity if we ourselves don't create it. We mould the future of this world, of ourselves, and if the world comes to a state where it is beyond bad, then, we only have ourselves to blame.
I don't think that service to humanity is the job of only a fraction of the world, it is the duty for everyone one of us.

I think what we need is people that HAVE hope and people that help contribute to making this world a better place.
To me, both must go hand in hand.
Hope is what will keep us going. It is what will inspire and empower us to do our part to create a better world.

It seems like such a big thing to do,to "cure the world" and well, it is but we start here, where you live, with your life, the environment around you. We have to open our eyes and see that there are so many things that has to be done just around us.

That reminds me that I still have so much to do. We all do.

The day before I had to speak at the forum, I watched this video.
She moved me to tears.
She was only 12 when she spoke in front of thousands of people at the UN EARTH SUMMIT. She spoke there!
So if you think you cannot make an impact, think again because you know, you reeaally can.
Maybe not through public speaking, but everybody's got their own parts to play.

Amazing.

2009-09-29T13:56:00.003+08:00

I love this song. Mhm, the lyrics are simple, a little bit cliche, but it's just a nice, feel good song.

It's one of those songs that pick you up and make you smile when you're feeling a little gloomy.

Alot of people have covered this, even AJ, but none are even the slightest bit close to Michael's original. It's his vooooice :')

His voice.... It's just so.. (I'm hyperventilating just thinking about it) amazing. haih.

and plus, he is goooorgeous.

Mona

2009-09-23T14:00:00.006+08:00

I have known about this story for so many years.
Hearing it over and over again. Constantly reminded of it.
Everytime I hear about it, I am in total shock and awe.

But never has it struck me the way it does now.
It is the story of Mona.

On the 18th of June, 1983 in Shíráz, Iran, ten women were executed by hanging for their unwillingness to renounce their Bahá'í belief in the face of the Islamic fundamentalism that had recently overtaken their country. This act was particularly disturbing since usually only Bahá'í men were targeted for execution. The incident brought outcries from the world community appealing to the Iranian government to implement basic human rights for the Bahá'ís. This international pressure had its effect in that recent years have witnessed fewer executions, but Bahá'ís are still denied basic rights of education, employment, assembly and legal protection. The Bahá'í Faith is a religion native to Iran and is considered apostasy by the religious leaders of Shi'ih Islam. Since the religion began in 1844, over 20,000 of its adherents have been martyred.

Of the ten women executed in 1983, the youngest was only a teenager. Her name was Mona Mahmúdnizhád.
Mona and her father were taken from their homes, and imprisoned in the year 1982. They suffered phsycological and physical torture for 5 months. Her father was executed first on March 12th 1983. Mona and the nine other women were executed on June 18th 1983 by hanging.

Mona was only 16 when she was imprisoned and only 17 when she was executed.
To think that she was my age?
I cannot begin to say what I really feel now.
It is unexplainable.
All I know, is that I am completely humbled.
She is an example to youth, to me.
Imagine being her age, she was a Baha'i,a children's class teacher who embodied the meaning of service, and because she did not recant her Faith, and for that reason, she was imprisoned and soon after, executed.
Her courage and faith and love for the Faith was so much.
She gave her life for the Faith.
I have a lot to learn, and I want to hopefully follow in her footsteps to serve as much as I possibly can.

She is a hero.

Their mass grave in Shiraz contains their bodies and despite the fact that their families were never allowed to give them a proper burial, a rosebush grows over their grave and is a powerful testament to their beauty of character and their fearless courage.

Mel Gibson is now producing a movie about her, called, Mona's Dream.
http://www.monasdream.com/

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While Mona was still in high school, she wrote an essay protesting the persecution of her family’s Baha’i faith. School authorities promptly confiscated the paper, her home was raided, and all copies and remnants of the work were thought to have been suppressed. First Mona’s father, and later Mona herself, were hanged by the authorities. But her first notes for the essay were smuggled out of Iran by members of the Baha’i community and published in the west. Here is Mona’s Message:

"Freedom’ is the most brilliant word among the radiant words existing in the world. Man has always been and will ever be asking for liberty. Why, then, has he been deprived of liberty? Why from the beginning of man’s life has there been no freedom? Always, there have been powerful and unjust individuals who for the sake of their own interests have resorted to all kinds of oppression and tyranny…

Why don’t you let me be free to express our goals in this community; to say who I am and what I want, and to reveal my religion to others? Why don’t you give me freedom of speech so that I may write for publication or talk on radio and television about my ideas? Yes, liberty is a Divine gift, and this gift is for us also, but you don’t let us have it. Why don’t you let me speak freely as a Baha’i individual? Why don’t you want to know that a new religion has been revealed; that a new radiant star has risen? Why don’t you push aside that thick veil from your eyes?

Perhaps you don’t really think that I should have freedom. God has granted this freedom to man. You, his servant, cannot take it from me. God has given me freedom of speech."

"I wish I had not only one but a thousand lives to give in the path of God"
--Mona Mahmudnizhad

The Marshmallow Test

2009-09-21T23:40:00.004+08:00

I would fail the test.

2009-09-21T23:27:00.002+08:00

The best way to spend the holidays is with my good ol' family. :)

The little things.

2009-09-20T10:45:00.006+08:00

My mummy's birthday was on the 14th and well, my Papa wasn't around on her birthday. So, we decided to celebrate both Shayna and Mummy's birthdays at Tarbush in Starhill for some good Middle Eastern food.

The lights are pretty,eh?

After a good yummy Middle Eastern meal, we headed to Delicious for scrumptious deserts!

I ordered this. The classic chocolate cake, and yes, I ate everything on my own. So sinful! but OH MY GOSH, it tasted TOO good! I was in heaven with EVERY bite, REALLY.

I love my wacko family la.

The waitress who served us at Delicious made my day.
She was so sweet.
My mom was talking to her about Raya and just having small talk.
Then she invited my mom to her Raya open house! and we didn't even know her. What a generous woman she is.
Then just before we left, she waited outside to shake our hands and to say goodbye.
Such a polite,kind and warm person.
People like that put smiles on my face although it might seem like a small matter, but small deeds like this make a big impact.
Oh, God bless her.

September Babies

2009-09-19T13:42:00.005+08:00

Too many birthdays in the month of September.

Yesterday was my Aunty Shahrinna's birthday. My uncle decided to plan a surprise party for her.
She's still so young and pretty, only 33! and with 3 kids already! 3 very unique and special kids whom I love with all my heart and soul :)

Rain always looks sad to me.
Okay. I feel like I'm stating the obvious.
but this picture to me, is showing like a feeling of grief and sorrow but then, you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Cliche, mhm! It gives me mixed feelings but somehow, it still makes me happy in the end.
I don't know, I just... like looking at it.

Have I told you girls that I love you beyond words? :)

OH OH, Harry Potter marathon+sleepover soon ;)

oooh, cheeky monkey :D

too cute right!

Aunty Shahrinna's just so pretty.

Not forgetting my baby Sash :)

and so, when I got home, lots of people were at the house including one very special person, my cousin, Shern. His birthday's today! but we had a pre-cutting cake/happy birthday song for him :)

RG♥

2009-09-15T13:59:00.006+08:00

Okay as some of you might already know, I'm in love with Harry Potter. I never really read the books before until just recently, and yes, I'm hooked.
I've watched EVERY movie AT LEAST 15 times each. Call me crazy but I don't care. Something about Harry Potter just makes me happy.

and well,
I love Rupert Grint :)
He's just so dorkishly cute and charming. Hah :p

Her expression when she sees Rupert is priceless, so funny!

Have I told you lately that I love you?

2009-09-13T19:46:00.036+08:00

So yesterday was Shayna's 13th party.

Snippets from the day's event.

Sonia&Navin.

Isn't this such a pretty picture? You girls cannot get any prettier la.

You inspire me, to lose weight! Please Nis, no more losing weight!

My gorgeous cousins. I love you guys too much la :')

Finally, after far too long, Mummy said yes to me staying over at Alayna and Nisa’s place. It’s been just too long since our last sleepover. I think we ended up talking the most this time la :)

It’s like we haven’t seen each other in months, and we just cannot stop talking.

It makes me :) cause we always have our little “life sessions”, and then telling each other secrets we’ve never told each other before.

I can and will never get bored of it lah.

I hope we’ll stay this way forever, even when we’re 70, wrinkly and old, I don’t ever want to lose contact with you girls :) I love my buddiiiiiiies!

September’s always a month full of birthdays, too many birthdays actually.

I have 3 in particular that mean a lot to me.

First, it's Mummy's tomorrow ♥

It's funny how we're so alike. Okay, not so funny cause well, I'm your daughter.

but I think,sometimes, I don't tell you how much you mean to me enough. Despite everything that has happened, and all the drama I put you through, you have NEVER, not ONCE given up on me, you have never left me alone.

You've got love for us without bounds.
I wouldn't be the person I am today without you.

You're a leader by example, and you are a true example to me.

You ARE my role model, you are the mother I want to be when I grow up. No one has ever been more of a friend to me than you. Now, more than ever, I feel like I can confide in you about everything because I know that when everyone has left me, you'd be the only one who will stay with me, who will just listen to me, and understand.

You've taught me all the virtues there are, mostly by being an example.

and I can truly say that I have never met somebody so passionate about what they do than you. You put your all in every single thing you do.

Many of my goals in life have come because I see what you do and I want to do that too, I want to strive for that too.

I don't ever want you to think that you aren't appreciated because Mummy, you are the best person in my life, and I love you so much, too much la, I'm tearing up just typing this,Ma because I really do love you so much.

Just know that even if I don't tell you this a lot, I am so grateful that you never gave up on me, you never lost hope and for that, I thank you.

Alot of people strive to be people that are known and famous,Oprah maybe but you know Ma, I just want to be like you.

I love you so much,Mummy. and thank you for being my mummy :')

Shayna's (16th September)

Nayna, I've already told you how much you mean to me. Actually I tell you everyday because I just want you to know that no matter what, I am your big sister and I am your friend and that I don't ever want you to feel lonely because you'll always have me. You are such an amazing girl, and you stand out amongst the rest, you are a role model to so many young girls. Just remember, be an example.

I won't ever leave you to rot, I'll always be there to pick you up.

And remember, it's okay to be different. As long as you know that you are doing the right thing, you don't have to feel bad if other people don't agree, just do the right thing, and I promise you, you'll be okay.

"See with thine own eyes and not through the eyes of others and know of thine own knowledge and not through the knowledge of thy neighbour"

I love you,poopieeee.

Harpreet’s :) tomorrow as well.

I know we don’t get to talk much or even hang out much and I know that I’m not always there to talk to you. I really wish I was but sometimes, there’s just so much I have to do and I don’t want you to ever think that I love you less than a best friend because seriously, you’ve been one of those people who have left a mark in my heart forever(I know,it sounds cheezy but I really do mean it)

You’ve got such a special quality to make everyone and I literally mean EVERYONE feel special and happy around you. You never judge anyone by where they’re from or the things they like, you’re just a good friend to everyone you meet and really, I think that’s an extremely special quality to possess.

You know, everytime I come back home from a day spent with you, I always feel so much better, so much happier and special. It’s not easy to be a good friend, it really isn’t, it SOUNDS easy but it really isn’t but you know, you really are one. I know things aren’t so easy now, but just know, that you’ll always have me, and I will always be there for you, I know it seems like I could just be saying this, but Harp, I really will be. Know that I love you so much and I always will, bestfriend:) I’m only a phone call away.

I love you :’)

Happy Birthday to all the September babies out there :)

2009-09-11T22:07:00.009+08:00

"When a thought of war comes, oppose it by a stronger thought of peace"
-Abdul Baha

Alot of times, we're too caught up with the drama around us. Forgetting that we're all supposed to be like one family(the world), forgetting that yes, they really should be treated just like our very own brothers and sisters.

I think, that one of the hardest things in life, is to close our eyes to gossip, to not look at the fault's of others, and not to backbite.
I forget sometimes, the damage that it can do, to my soul and to the people around me.
but don't we all sometimes? but that's where we have to remind ourselves that it's not for us to judge because we have our fair share of flaws.
I always tell myself that no matter what anyone does or no matter how terrible their actions are, I must remind myself that I have gone through my phases as well. I'm still learning,everyone is. I have to replace that thought of war with a stronger thought of peace.

To remember to change myself before anyone else.

"If there are 9 bad things you see in someone, and one good thing, look only at that one good thing"
- Abdul Baha

"If you desire with all your heart, friendship with every race on earth, your thought, spiritual and positive, will spread; it will become the desire of others, growing stronger and stronger, until it reaches the minds of all men."
-Abdul Baha

"I charge you all that each one of you concentrate all the thoughts of your heart on love and unity. When a thought of war comes, oppose it by a stronger thought of peace. A thought of hatred must be destroyed by a more powerful thought of love. Thoughts of war bring destruction to all harmony, well-being, restfulness and content."
-Abdul Baha

Another day of learning.

Times are hard, when things have got no meaning.

2009-09-10T22:46:00.005+08:00

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

- Mahatma Ghandi

Look at the stars,look how they shine for you.

2009-09-07T09:09:00.015+08:00

We had a nice dinner out yesterday :)
I love it when the family gets together to have a meal with Sonia and Navin.
It just makes me feel... comforted and warm and happy :)
I can't wait for the big family trip to Penang at the end of this year with my couzies and the rest of the relatives, yay:)!
we're gonna have family Talentime! I'm too.. excited!

Yes, she's growing up. WAY.TOO.FAST.
My baby sister is.growing.up. :(
and I don't think I'm quite ready for what's to come. I'm worried,anxious and scared because I really don't want her to have to go through all the drama of being a teenager, all the drama I went through but I know that she'll have her own falls, and I just have to be there for her, to be her... big sister.
but gosh, it's hard and I'm just scared. Not for me but for her.
She's my baby sister,you know? If anything were to happen to her, it would literally break my heart. I don't think I can stand seeing her sad and unstable. I'm just hoping nothing too terrible happens to her. I just want her to be happy :(
I just hope I'm of help to her, I just hope I'm a good enough example.
She's such a good girl. So courageous, so brave to be who she wants to be, so brave to be an example in school, she's someone who's not afraid to stand up for what's right and I know that she's on the right path. Everyone just needs a little guidance sometimes, including myself.
and Nayns, I know, this time of your life isn't as easy as you thought it would be but....

know that I will always, ALWAYS be here for you to pick you up even when/IF you've fallen the hardest fall because you mean the world to me. All of you; you,Nil,Son,Mummy and Papa.
you're my baby sister la and you'll always be my nayna poopie d:
I promise.

love you:)

Persecution of Baha'is in Iran

2009-09-05T13:23:00.004+08:00

Remember the story about Roxana Saberi?The journalist who was imprisoned in Iran?
She was in the same prison as the Baha'is in Iran.
The Baha'is have been imprisoned because of religious beliefs. They were taken away from their homes from the spring of 2008 and are still awaiting trial. It's been more than a year now, and they're still imprisoned just because they are Baha'is and because they won't recant their Faith.

The seven members of the National Spiritual Assembly of the Baha'is in Iran are now awaiting trial.

Roxana Saberi and USCIRF call for release of Iranian Bahá’ís
OEA

The U.S. Commission on International Religious Freedom, in response to a letter written by journalist Roxana Saberi, today issued a statement demanding the release of seven Baha’i leaders who are said to face trial July 11, 2009. Saberi was imprisoned in Tehran’s Evin prison, where the Baha’is are currently being held, for nearly four months before she was released as a result of significant international pressure.

From Saberi’s letter:

The seven Baha’is, along with at least 20 other Baha’is imprisoned across Iran, are not threats to Iran’s national security but are being held because of their beliefs and peaceful activities on behalf of the Baha’i community. They have been willing to cooperate with Iran’s Shiite Islamic regime, but they refuse to surrender to pressure to abandon their beliefs, knowing that the decisions they make could have far-reaching implications for the estimated 350,000 Baha’is and other religious minorities in Iran.

From the USCIRF statement:

The charges against these imprisoned Baha’is are baseless and a pretext for the persecution and harassment of a disfavored religious minority. They should be released immediately,” said Leonard Leo, USCIRF chair. “USCIRF urges the President and other leaders in the international community to speak out and call for the release of the seven Baha’i leaders, as the President did for Miss Saberi. These prisoners are in jail solely because of their religious identity, and have not been afforded any due process or direct access to legal representation.

This is a video of Congressman Kirk in the U.S. about the persecution of Baha'is in Iran.

This is a summary of what has been happening to the Baha'is in Iran since the persecutions started, a very very long time ago but it still goes on till today.

Just listening or reading about what they have been going through in Iran makes me tear. How can such injustice be shown to people who just want to hold on to the Faith?

They will be in my prayers, everyday.

The secret to you.

2009-09-04T13:51:00.008+08:00

This was so cute, the kids were in their dorms/rooms, calling out to us, waving goodbye with huge smiles on their faces.
They never knew me, I had never met them before but my God, do they make you feel so welcomed :) Amazing people la.

My uncle asked me to follow him to Pure Life Society last Sunday to help teach some children there a chant.
Alayna went too, the official photographer for the programme ;)
We both brought our camera's but I took mine just so I would have good memories to keep :)
I went there feeling a little tired but I left there feeling energized.
My uncle started a programme there called "Duniaku". He goes there and helps these children learn how to make good choices and decisions, reminds them that change is good, and also to bring about strong,determined environmental leaders.
There are about 30 if not more children at P.L.S. These children have either come from broken families where their parents have given them away to the society or are orphans. I would have never known about their background by just looking at them because these children and youth are constantly smiling, all so happy, you really would have never known.
The kids had been broken up into a couple of groups the week before and were asked to practice a synchronised clap of some sort, to foster unity, if I've not mistaken.
I think simple activities like this are so impactful though at first, it may seem very trivial and like it doesn't really make a difference, but I think, it does. These little things can really help these children learn about unity, that the power of people united is alot stronger than just one person standing alone.
He gave them a booklet/file each. Inside, they had to write something they did on every day of the week that was different than what they usually do, something that might have been a good deed perhaps, or something that might've made a change, anything, as long as it was something they don't usually do(something good,ofcourse)
I remember one girl, Esther was her name, I think.

Esther said "Thursday - I learned how to overcome my problems"
Roshini said "Monday - I obeyed my mummy"
then another boy said "Tuesday - I wished my friend goodmorning" (He had never said it to his friend before, and therefore, he made a change, a polite one(: )

These little things remind the kids that everyday is a day to learn, that there's always something we can do to improve ourselves, or to better the things around us.
We all have our parts to play,right?

My uncle then showed a few videos about some very important influencial people that have been such a huge change to this world.
People like Dalai Lama and Nelson Mendela.
These videos talked about leadership and service.
It talked about leaders that serve.
So many of the leaders in the world now, are thinking mostly about their welfare and not the welfare of everyone else, some of them want self recognition, praise and glory but does that really make a true leader?
It takes a true leader to be a servant.
A true leader is a servant, one who is of service.
That's what those videos were talking about.

You know, we want so many things in life and most of the time we feel empty,we feel like there's a void that needs to be filled but we don't know what it is.
When you serve, everything comes to you. There's no need to constantly look for it, it just comes to you.
People like Mother Teresa, Dalai Lama, Nelson Mendela, and even Oprah! All of them have served/been serving humanity for their whole lives, and look at them now! They never went looking for what they have now, all they did, all they knew to do was to be of service, and to give back and not ask for anything in return and look, somehow, they are all happy and successful, truly happy, not the temporary happiness you get when you buy something new but the everlasting happiness.
Blessings, I suppose? :)
but the feeling of service is irreplaceable, really.

He also showed this video.
I love watching it. It kinda always brings tears to my eyes, reminding me how grateful I am for what I have, for what I can do to help, for the opportunities that are given to me.
Service has turned my life around.

Watch this, it will completely energize you.

"I focus on all the good things in life"
"I am free to be myself"
"I feel the love, joy and abundance"
Nowonder Mummy always tells me to say my affirmations everyday.

:)

I am happy.

with the Sha's

2009-08-27T16:33:00.008+08:00

I love baby Shaveeee :)
She's just TOO cute. TOO CUTE LAH.

As you can see, they wanted so badly to play dress up, so yup, they raided my closet and my mom's too and this is what happened.
:/
but they look sho cute la :)

This is Shameera

This is Shafireh :)

My favourite pictures of today:)

Today was supposed to be an ordinary day.
But it's hard to have ordinary when the Sha's(Shameera, Shafi, and Shaveeya) are over d:
my cousies.
I liiiikke babysitting :)

dancing in the moonlight

2009-08-26T15:29:00.004+08:00

Went out with Harp and Nic yesterday which was nice :)
I’m gonna TRY to diet from today onwards and be more like Harpreet(I needed some inspiration, and yes I got it from you,woman HAHA) because she.is.so.skinny.now!

Today, went out with Mummy,Papa and Nayna.
And I fiiiiiiinally got the book I wanted! “Middlesex” (no,it’s not some sick dirty book. It tells the story of this teenager who doesn’t only have female genetics, but male genetics too. She’s intersexual,you see)
I heard about the book from Oprah(ofcourse) and ever since, I’ve been DYING to read the book. So yay :)
Also, I bought another Chicken Soup series. Ah, I feel very satisfied.
Thank God for the MPH vouchers I got cause of PMR :) Thank you DJ’s Residence Association. You are very kind,indeed. :) haha.

Off to burry myself in my brand new books :)

the bridge over troubled water

2009-08-21T20:07:00.006+08:00

you know how there are some people, that when they smile, you can't help but feel happy and smile too? even if they aren't smiling at you, but just smiling?
that's how I feel about the children at Mentari. or any child for that matter.
It's funny how one smile can turn your day around.
haha. that's Tharven :) he's one of the kids I teach at the children's class in Mentari.
this was taken last Sunday.
one look at this, and even if i'm at my lowest of lows, I smile again.

I Couldn't Ask For More

2009-08-21T13:47:00.004+08:00

This was after the performance(Jojie,FieFie and I)

getting ready :) fiefie so cantik.

School today was a busy busy day. It was nice to finally perform again :) I love you,Fie,Jo,and Resh. Oh oh! and Stefan :)

One week of holidays. I'm hoping for a good,productive holiday.
I love my Mummy and Papa, I really do. Today, I don't know why, but I had the sudden urge to tell my Papa that he meant alot to me. So in the car, on the way to school, I said, "Papa" "Yep" "No matter what, you're the best Papa in the whole world" "Thank you,darling". I love my Papa. Although he isn't around SO MUCH, but whenever he comes home from a busy day at work, he's always so happy to spend time with us. Everybody lights up, the energy in the house is filled with so much joy. It's like he always wants us to be happy, though he isn't exactly the sentimental type, but I know, deep down, he truly loves us, and I know that everything he does, he does for us,the family, and everyone else.
I love my Nayna, and Nil aaand Sonia.
I can't ask for a better family.
I am truly blessed to have that one group of people I know I can always count on, my family. I really do have the most fun when I'm with them. No words can describe how important they are to me.
I love you,family :)

time after time

2009-08-20T14:45:00.005+08:00

I read something in Fie's blog that really striked me.
"Our friends reflect the choices we make in life"
It really made me think.
The friends we make and the friends we have actually portait the kind of life we want to lead, whether good or bad.
If friends can be thaaat influencing, my gosh, do we have to choose our friends wisely.
For example, if your friends are people who spend alot of money, who party alot, who drink alot, you would tend to follow such activities. Sometimes even without realising that they influence you that much.
Or if your friends are productive, happy, a little different from the rest but people who set high principles, you would tend to lean to that side,also.

Having good people around you is so important,especially at this age, when we are moulding into the people we will be in a few years time.
To me, friends are people who help you make the RIGHT choices, friends who make you a BETTER person, friends that encourage you to practice virtues and to be good people.
Friends, to me, aren't just people that you would go shopping with,or have lunch with, or gossip with. Friends should be people that are good influences,people that want to see you be the person you were made to be,a person that reflects the qualities of God.
To me, that is a true friend.
Those are the ones that will leave marks in your heart forever, because they helped you become a better person.

It took me a long time to understand what true friends are, but now I know and now, I will be extra careful.

Now, I always tell my baby sister to choose her friends wisely because once you've chosen them, it might or will reflect the choices you make in life.
And the decisions you make now, will either come back to haunt you or to remind you of the blissful memories you've been through.

15th August ♥

2009-08-16T16:11:00.005+08:00

The class party and also Stefan's birthday.
It started off a little rough and confusing, but then it ended off really well :)

Fie never stops moving, and I REALLY mean NEVER. You're so crazy la, and sometimes over dramatic, but I love you anyway!

It was Stefan's birthday the day before, so, Resh,or Resh's mom made a cake, and we surprised him!

This year has been so different. I like different. and I love you guys:)

my pasta boy!

I'm so grateful to have you guys as friends.
No matter what anyone says about you guys, if they say you're weird, or if they say we just don't fit "their ways", know that I love you guys the way you are.
The "weird" ones are the ones who are the most interesting to talk to.
What would the world be like without these weird people? Would you really want a world filled with the same kind of people?
How can that possibly be an interesting place to live in.
This is diversity and diversity is good.
I can truly say now, that I'm happy.

Swimming with you guys again next week! :)

unity prayer

2009-08-12T22:20:00.011+08:00

The past week : and today... A Baha'i chant on Unity by my darling brother,Nilly and I. We screwed up a little at the end, but aaaah whatever. yeee I'm very malu lah to show the video :S!

O my God! O my God! Unite the hearts of Thy servants, and reveal to them Thy great purpose. May they follow Thy commandments and abide in Thy law. Help them, O God, in their endeavor, and grant them strength to serve Thee. O God! Leave them not to themselves, but guide their steps by the light of Thy knowledge, and cheer their hearts by Thy love. Verily, Thou art their Helper and their Lord. —Bahá’u’lláh

:)

smile,though your heart is aching.

2009-08-01T23:13:00.005+08:00

Mummy always told me "Never give your heart away. At least,not now"
I won't.
I've found so much love in my family, my friends and my Faith. Why do I need to find love elsewhere? I don't. I have all the love I need.
I appreciate everything around me now. I love everything around me. I love my family, I love my friends, I love everything.

Today hasn't exactly been a good day at all. In fact, it was terrible, but the funny thing is, I'm still smiling :)

Oh love,love.
It'll come to me, when the time is right.

mmm:)

mmmm :)

2009-07-29T15:16:00.004+08:00

Mummy's coming back today.
After what seemed like 3 very long days without her.
------------------------------------------------------
I feel happier and so much more relieved now.
I hope I did the right thing. I think I did.
Oh, Reshy, you're so gonna kill me tomorrow.

oh,my jamieeee :)!

hopscotch and tears

2009-07-27T16:59:00.003+08:00

"My mom used to tell me, "Chloe, there are two kinds of people in this world: those that play hopscotch and sing in the shower, and those that lie alone at night with tears in their eyes." What I came to understand is that people have a choice as to which they want to be. That same day, I went outside and played hopscotch with my sister,and that night I sang louder than ever in the shower."

I read this a couple of days ago, and I realised I have the choice and the power to make myself happy again. It's just a matter if I want to or not and yes, I want to and I'm going to,I will be. I feel like sadness is a choice. You don't have to be sad if you don't want to, or if you don't allow yourself to be. I'm not saying it's bad or wrong to feel sad sometimes, but too much isn't good, is it? There's no point dwelling about something that I can't change,right?

So now, I choose to play hopscotch and sing in the shower : )

2009-07-26T19:10:00.003+08:00

I'm so proud of my Fie Fie :')
I really am. She's representing Malaysia for YE!
To know more about this, open your Star newspapers up! (E13)

2009-07-26T09:33:00.001+08:00

Mummy's in Singapore.
She's not gonna be back for another 3 days.
I miss her already :'(

always where i need to be

2009-07-25T17:01:00.004+08:00

I just got home from the forum.
I was beyond nervous in the morning.
When I spoke, my hands were shaking so much! I couldn't even turn the page properly but the funny thing is, I felt like it was so easy to speak, like I was being guided through a higher power somehow.
I think my prayers were answered. Oh,thank you, Dorothy Baker :')
The only thought in my mind when I was speaking was "Make an impact". That's all I wanted. I didn't want to be somebody who just read a few pages of words and was remembered as boring,I wanted everybody to feel what I felt and hopefully get a little empowered to do something.
There was a representative from UNICEF there, Youssouf Oomar. He was so inspiring and empowering. It was amazing to hear him speak with such enthusiasm. He didn't read from any paper or refer to anything. He spontaneously spoke and wow. He was so empowering that I didn't get distracted from anything else happening around me, I was just in awe and so focused to what he was saying.
He spoke about how everybody should be "together" working as one and that we are equal. He spoke about leadership from behind, leadership by example. He also spoke about consultation and that it is not only one person deciding our future, rather all of us consulting together to come up with a rasional, united, and valid solution.
I always think to myself how fulfilling their lives must be.
This is his everyday job, working in UNICEF, finding ways, consulting to better the world.

I met so many amazing youth there from all over PJ.
You could see that they really meant everything they said during the discussions.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
It's so respectable to see these youth take time from their lives to be a part of development, not just for their futures, but everyone else's too.
Also,it was so nice to see these adults take time off their busy schedules to help us achieve this dream of ours.
In the end, it's all about unity, togetherness, respect, friendship, love, consultation, and action amongst every one of us.

I felt so comfortable there. I felt so comfortable with the people around me despite not knowing them at all.
It felt like everybody let go of differences,conflicts, and stereotypes. It felt like everybody was friends already. I think that's how we should feel everyday.
You could feel the warmth and enthusiasm that everyone felt, the willingness to bring about a change,and oh, it felt so good :)

We broke into 4 groups like the last forum except this one was different.
It was more of consultation and discussion.
Alayna and I were in "Participation(Play Your Part)"
At first, it was a little hectic but then after awhile we managed to come up with a solution on how we youth and children can play our part, how we can voice our opinions.
Us,youth suggested that there should be a society or club of some sort in school(since school is practically our second home) that would have weekly discussions on social issues where children can become aware of what's happening around us, and that we discuss about it, and find solutions to these problems. We said that the NGO should team up with the Education Ministry in order to get this started. But there should be a child welfare representative in each school that takes care of matters like this, someone who organizes things like this in school.
All in all, in the end, we found our solution.

I want everyone to feel what I feel cause it feels so good :)
Yeah,another good day : )

pictures coming soon.

the way you look tonight

2009-07-24T21:03:00.006+08:00

Resh! Our favourite movie;My Best Friend's Wedding : )

Well,I know it's mine.
I've watched it a million times, but I've never gotten bored of it.
Despite knowing the ending, I cry everytime I watch it.

When he starts singing to her,my tummy tingles :') Reminds me of.. mm yeah anyway. My favourite part. Yeah, it's a little cheezy but whatever, I love it though it's so very sad.
:'(

oh, my other honey bee

2009-07-24T19:01:00.003+08:00

I'm currently hooked on Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul.
Yes, it has helped me a great deal.
I've been bringing it to class everyday. All the boys are hooked on it too, it's kinda funny hehe
I love my friends :')

...I'm oh so nervous for tomorrow, the follow up for the Forum. Speaking. in BM(English here and there, but mostly BM). and well, yeahhh BM and I, ummmmm yeah not too good a combo. I just hope I don't stumble on names and words or laugh in between. but I'm still really excited for tomorrow : ) Another good day ahead : )

Mia(Nisa,Layna&Ally's cat) just died :(!
oh! my Felangey :'(

Things are so different now.
It's funny how different life can be in just a matter of months.
I don't think I have truly accepted reality yet but I really am trying my best.
Some things just haven't completely sunk in yet.
There are some things I just miss.. alot.

:')

2009-07-22T17:45:00.002+08:00

Today was rough.
I'm really hurt :'(
It's like everything I did before to try to help, the time I sacrificed to listen, the hours I spent trying to help make things okay was just fogotten like that.
I hate drama. I hate this.
I don't want to be a part of this anymore, ever.

ooh love, don't let me go

2009-07-20T19:07:00.001+08:00

:')

warm whispers

2009-07-17T22:37:00.003+08:00

I don't think I'm needed anymore.
I don't know if that makes me happy or sad.
I'm stuck in between, leaning on one side though.
Time to focus on what I need to do, what I truly aspire to do.
The confirmations have been sent down, one after another, I'm just trying my best to keep up.

don't stop till you get enough

2009-07-16T08:52:00.006+08:00

Yesterday was good.
A couple of the youth and I performed for an event for Pure Life Society.
There were representatives from every religion, and some of them performed too.
The event was actually in memorial of the founder of Pure Life Society, but it circled around one thing, unity.
The most common word used yesterday : one
Everyone was talking about service,unity in diversity,forgetting our differences.
At the end of the event, this man gave a closing speech. He compiled scriptures from all the religions. That was so.. : )
I don't have the pictures from the performance itself(papa didn't know how to work the cam-_-), just the practice before we went on.

yeeee :)

"as ye have faith, so shall your powers be"

2009-07-11T22:58:00.005+08:00

There are no words to describe today.
I am beyond happy, beyond fulfilled.
We met with Juan again :)
He is one of those people that will stay engraved in your heart forever.
He moved to Cambodia a few years ago. He came back just for awhile. He's leaving again tomorrow morning :'( If only we had more time....(!)
We love Juan so much!

Every single time we meet with Juan, we learn something new. Okay, not just something, MANY things. We always go home feeling so empowered.
You know, sometimes people come up to me and say "Hey, it's really good, what you're doing at Mentari" and I'd be happy, yeah, but I realize now that I didn't exactly do this. I did, but I wouldn't have if I wasn't brought up in the environment I was brought up in, in the community I grew up in, with the amazing influences around me,the Faith.
I thank everything around me, that I get to see change, that I get to be a part of this change.
Sometimes I question if I'm effecting the children I teach in a good way, I just question if I made the effect I was supposed to but now, I realize that, for every good deed done, someway or another it will effect. Just imagine how everything would be if everyone focused on achieving what we really need today, peace, we need love, we need friendship amongst everyone and just forgetting about our differences. If we could just show a bit of love to someone, practice a virtue and maybeee it would probably have an effect on someone, and that someone would probably pass it on, and it just goes on and on. Woah, one good deed does that much :')

Today I learnt that the answers to the questions we have now lies in our past. We just need to be reminded.

2009-07-10T21:33:00.003+08:00

When I need a little bit of joy, I turn to.. :)

Okay I bet everyoooone has seen this one before, but she's just so adorable lah!yeeee geram!

hahaha it's only part of the whole thing but it gets so draggy. she's so cuuuuuute:):)

THIS ONE IS SO FUNNY. I HATE THE SONG BUT MY GOSH, THIS BOY IS AAAAAH:D

More of Yasmin Ahmad,ooh I love.

This one made me laugh. The little boy is adorable!

This one made me cry. It's a little "whaaaaat???" in the beginning but it's so sweet I couldn't help but tear.

Okay. I'm happy,I think.

2009-07-10T14:37:00.002+08:00

They're so cute I could just die!Right!?
I love dogs : )
I love Saint Bernard's.
Mummy, pleaseeeee?
: )!

2009-07-05T21:31:00.002+08:00

I can't pretend to be strong anymore.
It hurts too much :'(

It started out as a feeling, which then grew into a hope.

2009-07-05T14:04:00.002+08:00

I wanna go back..
to the 29th of March.
:'(

even the best fall down sometimes, even the stars refuse to shine.

2009-07-04T23:21:00.009+08:00

Today has been a day of many realizations.
To let go of one of the few things I was truly sure about, I still am actually(am sure,I mean)
Thank goodness I have my mummy :') I can tell her anything and everything, and she always has the perfect answer, though sometimes it doesn't seem like it, but after rasionalising, it really is.
Whatever it is, I know I'm making the right decision. I know.. we are.
haih. but it's still so hard :'(

Anyway, today after going for Samad's carnival[we kinda went there just to see Herman's band perform and by the waaay, they were truly amazing: ) i love:) i was so happy i finally gotta see them/you perform:) ], ou with my darlings :

okay, this picture isn't exatctly nice but it's the only one I have of the band/carnival :( - :)

haih,always and forever:(

2009-06-28T14:15:00.004+08:00

Alayna sent me this.

School buses in JAPAN :

School buses in PAKISTAN :

:O

2009-06-28T13:54:00.003+08:00

I was in the car, on the way back from Mentari today when a little malay boy about the age of 7 (probably) showed me his middle finger.
He's so young. 7!(maybe)and he's already influenced like this?!
My heart dropped. literally.
I don't know. Many people might think it always happens, and we see it everywhere, and it's just no big deal but my gosh, is that really what we want the future generation to be like?
I just stared at the boy, blankly, with a little bit of anger, but more disappointment.
These things remind me why I should be at Mentari teaching those kids(or at least I try to), or anywhere for that matter.
haih.

& the world will live as one.

2009-06-27T18:43:00.009+08:00

I remember my first post in this blog, about the forum I went to.
That forum made me want to express myself and start writing again.
Today, I went for another forum in line with what I went for last year in November.
A children's forum organised by NGO's. Today's theme was "A Child Friendly City" and Petaling Jaya was the first city to have a forum where the children express their opinions about what they think a child friendly city is.
This is the FIRST and ONLY forum in Malaysia where the children and youth get to voice out their opinions on what they think should be happening around us, what we don't like, and what we want to see improve.
I love things like this. I feel like my heart and soul is completely dedicated to things like this, to the development of society.
I realised today, after a veryyyy long time not knowing what I wanted to pursue, I now know what I want to be, what path I will take in the future. Thanks to this forum : )
I thank God for answering my prayers. haih :') I feel so fulfilled! and empowered!
Well, anyway.
Alayna, Anisa, Aleysha, King Yang, Ravin, Divya, Rueben, Lavinia, Sunil, Shayna,Iman, Atira, Dakshayini, Roshini, Shameera and I attended.
About 200 children (aged 18 and below)from all over PJ attended this forum. We were then broken into 4 separate groups.

- Play A Part
- Free From Harm
- Live Well
- Be The Best

yes, we all had to wear the shirts they gave us. it was a must :/
but that's okay, i suppose.

my Alayna is so gorgeous lah : )

They had activities for the younger kids. Clowns!

The kiddies were definitely happy today. So were the rest of us.

Shayna, Joyce, Atira and I were put into the same group, Play A Part.
We were asked to actually create our ideal city on a piece of cardboard. We were given materials to make it.
It wasn't what I expected it to be at first.
But then, after finishing our city, we had a group discussion on what we, as YOUTH, as CHILDREN of this world, want to see happen or improve in PJ.
Everything just fell into place from there onwards.
We talked about everything, from more greenery, more child friendly facilities to preserving forest reserves.
Then we talked about school and how things should improve.
I had alot to say in that area, really.

Shayna made those! so cute:)

Yesterday at my place, we had a briefing for today's forum. Mummy facilitated it :)

At the end of everything, all the groups came together and shared what had been discussed at their respective groups.
It was so nice to see these youth actually coming forth and presenting their ideas and thoughts to better the city, to better our society.
We usually see the adults delagating everything, but it was different today.
The youth took that role, WE were the ones expressing, planning and consulting.

The ideas presented were really good.
But all this is just exterior.
We, as individuals should realise that everything starts from our character, our moral foundation. Without that, we won't get far.

The reason why I love going for these forums is because you see so many people from different backgrounds, races, religions coming together for one common purpose, to better society.
Even if there was something I didn't really like about someone there, I would immediately put it aside, because I realised, I remembered that they actually CAME for the forum and for that reason alone, I truly respect everyone who came because they actually WANTED to and were WILLING to be a part of the transformation for a better society instead of just laying at home, not doing anything to fulfill our duties as human beings and that is to be of service, not only for ourselves, but for the entire human race.

We see so many terrible things happening around us and we're just disgusted with what's happening to an extent where many of us choose to boycott the papers and not even bother watching the news, to an extent where many of us don't want to care about what's happening around the world anymore. So many of us are saddened by the things happening now that we feel like there is no hope, no use if we did something for society anymore.

It's time for a change, I say!

But you know, I quote from someone I respect a whole lot, we shouldn't be distracted by the troubles of this world, but rather step up with courage and determination, and play our part to better humanity, to transform society. We need to look at the world with eyes of hope and faith and then, serve humanity in any way possible.

If we don't do it, who will? If not now, when?

Indeed, it has been a good day, a truly remarkable day : )

other side of the world

2009-06-26T19:09:00.004+08:00

yee my babyyyy is sho cute : )

The days have been passing so fast. I likeeee.
Tomorrow's going to be a good day.

don't dream, it's over.

2009-06-19T19:28:00.003+08:00

I love this.

today :
haih.

Kippy's Tales!

2009-06-14T17:50:00.007+08:00

After a very long break, Kippy's Tales is back! For good,I hope.
This time, we had it at Mentari for the kids there to experience.
A few Damansara Jaya sector Baha'is came up with Kippy's Tales around 2 years ago.
It is a puppet show based on virtues and moral values. I think it's really good, it appeals to kids aged 3 to 12.
Obviously, the star of this puppet show is.. Kippy. Kippy's a hippopotamus who lives in a diverse aaaanimal neighbourhood and well, the themes revolve around that.
I play Ducky. Kippy's friend who together with Kippy and Sally(Sonia, who is the host) are the main characters of Kippy's Tales.
Today's theme was "I am special"
It's taking too long to upload the pictures. So, here's just a few out of the hundreds.
My favourite one's can't be posted :(

School's starting in less than 10 hours.
geee.
I pray for a good start.

I feel very.. independent these past few days. mm :(

stop this train

2009-06-13T00:24:00.002+08:00

melissa polinar's take on john mayer's "stop this train"

am i part of the cure, or am i part of the disease?

2009-06-12T23:00:00.007+08:00

My mom's leaving to Sarawak next monday. She's going for this forum on Human Trafficking. She's a trainer and advocet for the abolishment of human trafficking in Malaysia in line with NCWO.
She was telling me that, here, in Malaysia, the numbers are sky rocketing, no joke.
Then, she told me about how they choose the girls in Johor. A group of "businessmen" will sit in a circle facing outwards. Around them will be big huge FISHTANKS in which the women and girls put inside. They are bare naked, sitting down in these fishtanks, for these sick men to choose. THEY ARE PUT IN FISHTANKS OKAY! FISHTANKS :'(

This is how it is. The men are the circles and the poor women and girls are put into fishtanks(the rectangular shapes)

How barbaric can a person get. Seriously, it's just so disgusting.

These women are taken from their homelands, being promised of a good career but instead are being used as prostitutes. Their passports are taken from them, so they can't leave the country, they aren't told where they are, and they are abused physically and mentally.

I remember watching this. It's scary how these girls can't do anything to save themselves. I swear, I never realised how bad human trafficking had led to till I watched this.

I used to tell my mom how she was never at home, and how I felt like she was always out of the house. But I take that back now. I know she's always busy, but for a good cause, for the betterment of these women and the future of the world we live in. My mommy's my role model, really :')

My heart goes out to these women.

--------------------------------------------------

oh and another Devon Gundry chant : )

you set my soul alight

2009-06-10T16:59:00.000+08:00

mm I like :)