Ayyam-i-ha '09

Happy HAPPY Ayyam-i-ha :)

Shayna got Uncle Sha'in's gift which I thought was genius, he gave her a plant. Very in sinc with his Duniaku environmental programme :)

my boo boo's :)

Ayyam-i-ha yesterday was perfect.

This year felt extra special. Lots more smiles, laughter, and I think everyone was very charitable :)

These are the days that I look forward to most in the year. It's just something about these days that makes me constantly smile. Maybe it's the old traditions, reigniting memories since I was a little kid, singing the Ayyam-i-ha song(that's my favourite part (: ) and I love it when we're all together, happy, excited, thankful to just be around each other. I'm always happy when I'm with the community, my ever so amazing community :)

This year's fasting month is going to be a little different than the years before. Mommy's in New York for a United Nations conference, Papa's leaving for Vietnam tomorrow for work and yes, that means they won't be with us for the fist week of the fasting month :(

So, it's just us kiddos.

Waking up at 5 every morning, helping Aunty Ellen cook breakfast for open fast, set the table, say our prayers, and have a good breakfast before dawn. Some people might despise the thought of having to fast, but I love the fasting month. It's on the last 19 days of the year, the last Baha'i month before we celebrate Nawruz.

I feel like it's to help kick start the new year. To remind us of our priorities, of our purpose, to be thankful, to remember to rely on God. It reminds me that the sacrifices I make are nothing close to what the prophets had to go through for the sake of humanity. It makes all my problems seem so trivial, and it gives me strength to know that, if so many other people can sacrifice and go through such hardships for the sake of the Faith, I can get through the little trivial problems I'm facing now.

The fasting month isn't only for us to practice these virtues during the fasting month itself, but also to remind us to put it to practice throughout the upcoming year.

Hopefully, I will, I'll try my very best :)

Just two more days till the fasting month begins.

So, Allah'u'abha to all the Baha'is around the world :)

Have a good two last days of Ha, and have a great fasting month ahead :)

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be.

:')

This week's been a good week :) REALLY HEH.

I think everyone masks how they truly feel. Or maybe it's just me, being a little defensive. Do you?

Anyway, i think it's time I get serious about SPM. It might be somewhat trivial to some, but to me, I think I really need to do well, to at least TRY to get a schollarship, help the parents a little.

I need to take things seriously now,mhm!

Visualising starts today. Goodbye distractions, hello books!

& oh yes, Ayyam-i-ha's in a week, which also means that the fasting month is just around the corner. Just when I needed a good relaxing, reflecting atmosphere to remind myself about my priorities and to be grateful for what I have around me, it comes right at me,yay:)

I love March.

for FIEFIE

Fie's party :

Sang for you cause you asked :')

I love this picture, I love you guys! heh:)

and you, my Batai fam:)

I hope your birthday turned out the way you wanted it to be.

I love you so much Fie :')

All I need.

Maybe I don't have quantity but I have quality.

and maybe I don't have as many as you do, but aren't we all different, and well, I'm going to be appreciative about the diversity in all our lives. I will never be like you, I will probably never have the same things you do, I might not see things the way you see it, but that's okay, because I'm happy about where I am, what I have, where I'm going and who I am.

Yes I've made mistakes but haven't we all?

"Breathe not the sins of others so long as thou art thyself a sinner"

Forgiveness isn't easy. Probably one of the hardest things in life, but I'm going to buck up the will and courage to do it anyway even if you don't care, even if you don't do the same because I don't want to ever live my life knowing that I held a grudge towards another person, I will never have ease of mind. So I'll change my ways but at the same time, stay true to who I am and what I believe in.

-----------------------------------------------

On a lighter note, today's the 11th of Feb -

Two very important people are another year older;

Gramps who has turned 29 yet again! haha (he turns 79 today) :p

and Pradheep, my confidant, my dose of laughter, my best best friend :')

Him and I sorta lost touch last year. We just.. stopped talking as much after awhile and well maybe that's because of our little downfall the year before. We've been through a million things, a million ups and downs, seriously but what I realised this year is that despite us not talking, despite having conflicts in the past, despite our crazy situations or well my crazy situations, he never once and I mean it when i say NEVER stopped caring, he never failed to be there for me when I needed him. I think I took that for granted before but I never will again :) and to see him grow so much this year and last has made me really happy, because really, he is an amazing guy, an amazing friend :')

and Nuraina Afiqah, I love you cooking mate! Tomorrow's(the 12th of Feb) your birthday and well, an early wish to you la kay. I think the both of us never expected to be as close as how we are now. I don't think anyone expected it, but well, life isn't planned right? and I'm happy things worked out the way it did, because I've learned things from you guys this year and last that I have never before. Despite your utter crazy ways, your retarded gestures, your loud loud weird noises that you make, you're an amazing friend, a best friend :')

We never let distance and the fact that we might not always be able to talk get in the way of our friendship. We're low maintainence friends aren't we? and well, maybe it doesn't work for other people, but it works for us and at the end of the day, that's what matters :)

You've taught me to embrace who I am and not to be afraid to just be myself. You've always supported the things I do and showered me with so much love and happiness and I sayang you so much, Fie :)

--------------------------------------------

Joy radiates from me today. I'm a happy girl.

I sometimes feel like I have to show that I'm strong.

I think I'm dead scared of being vulnerable and insecure.

For some reason, I look up to people who are able to show their insecurities and vulnerability to the rest of the world. Unfortunately, I don't find it as easy as many other people do.

I often feel like I'm the only one feeling this, though I know that other people feel it too, and I do, I do try telling myself that it's okay because I'm not really alone, I'm not the only one feeling this, but that still doesn't take away what I feel.

So many things I wish I could change, but I don't want to keep holding onto something that I want to change but might not be able to. It really does kill me inside sometimes, I just.. don't show it. I'm scared to. I'm scared that if I do show it, I won't receive the reaction I want. Yeah, not good, I know, I shouldn't have such expectations. I'm just afraid of getting hurt. I'm afraid of trying too hard and then feeling insecure because I might not have gotten the reaction I wanted.

My intentions are/were never to hurt, never to ruin anything, never, really. I just handled some things wrong.

I didn't realise this before. Unlucky me, the realisation came a little too late.

What am I to do. We live, we learn,right?

So there, I'm going all out, I'm going to be vulnerable, I'm going to say what I really feel and not always put up a strong wall.

and I actually feel alot better now.

Venting is good.

good weekend ahead, please.

On another note, my love and prayers are with the Iranian Baha'is. Court trial is dated for Saturday. Such bravery brings me to tears.