Mummy's coming back today.
After what seemed like 3 very long days without her.
------------------------------------------------------
I feel happier and so much more relieved now.
I hope I did the right thing. I think I did.
Oh, Reshy, you're so gonna kill me tomorrow.
oh,my jamieeee :)!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
hopscotch and tears
"My mom used to tell me, "Chloe, there are two kinds of people in this world: those that play hopscotch and sing in the shower, and those that lie alone at night with tears in their eyes." What I came to understand is that people have a choice as to which they want to be. That same day, I went outside and played hopscotch with my sister,and that night I sang louder than ever in the shower."
I read this a couple of days ago, and I realised I have the choice and the power to make myself happy again. It's just a matter if I want to or not and yes, I want to and I'm going to,I will be. I feel like sadness is a choice. You don't have to be sad if you don't want to, or if you don't allow yourself to be. I'm not saying it's bad or wrong to feel sad sometimes, but too much isn't good, is it? There's no point dwelling about something that I can't change,right?
So now, I choose to play hopscotch and sing in the shower : )
I read this a couple of days ago, and I realised I have the choice and the power to make myself happy again. It's just a matter if I want to or not and yes, I want to and I'm going to,I will be. I feel like sadness is a choice. You don't have to be sad if you don't want to, or if you don't allow yourself to be. I'm not saying it's bad or wrong to feel sad sometimes, but too much isn't good, is it? There's no point dwelling about something that I can't change,right?
So now, I choose to play hopscotch and sing in the shower : )
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
always where i need to be
I just got home from the forum.
I was beyond nervous in the morning.
When I spoke, my hands were shaking so much! I couldn't even turn the page properly but the funny thing is, I felt like it was so easy to speak, like I was being guided through a higher power somehow.
I think my prayers were answered. Oh,thank you, Dorothy Baker :')
The only thought in my mind when I was speaking was "Make an impact". That's all I wanted. I didn't want to be somebody who just read a few pages of words and was remembered as boring,I wanted everybody to feel what I felt and hopefully get a little empowered to do something.
There was a representative from UNICEF there, Youssouf Oomar. He was so inspiring and empowering. It was amazing to hear him speak with such enthusiasm. He didn't read from any paper or refer to anything. He spontaneously spoke and wow. He was so empowering that I didn't get distracted from anything else happening around me, I was just in awe and so focused to what he was saying.
He spoke about how everybody should be "together" working as one and that we are equal. He spoke about leadership from behind, leadership by example. He also spoke about consultation and that it is not only one person deciding our future, rather all of us consulting together to come up with a rasional, united, and valid solution.
I always think to myself how fulfilling their lives must be.
This is his everyday job, working in UNICEF, finding ways, consulting to better the world.
I met so many amazing youth there from all over PJ.
You could see that they really meant everything they said during the discussions.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
It's so respectable to see these youth take time from their lives to be a part of development, not just for their futures, but everyone else's too.
Also,it was so nice to see these adults take time off their busy schedules to help us achieve this dream of ours.
In the end, it's all about unity, togetherness, respect, friendship, love, consultation, and action amongst every one of us.
I felt so comfortable there. I felt so comfortable with the people around me despite not knowing them at all.
It felt like everybody let go of differences,conflicts, and stereotypes. It felt like everybody was friends already. I think that's how we should feel everyday.
You could feel the warmth and enthusiasm that everyone felt, the willingness to bring about a change,and oh, it felt so good :)
We broke into 4 groups like the last forum except this one was different.
It was more of consultation and discussion.
Alayna and I were in "Participation(Play Your Part)"
At first, it was a little hectic but then after awhile we managed to come up with a solution on how we youth and children can play our part, how we can voice our opinions.
Us,youth suggested that there should be a society or club of some sort in school(since school is practically our second home) that would have weekly discussions on social issues where children can become aware of what's happening around us, and that we discuss about it, and find solutions to these problems. We said that the NGO should team up with the Education Ministry in order to get this started. But there should be a child welfare representative in each school that takes care of matters like this, someone who organizes things like this in school.
All in all, in the end, we found our solution.
I want everyone to feel what I feel cause it feels so good :)
Yeah,another good day : )
pictures coming soon.
I was beyond nervous in the morning.
When I spoke, my hands were shaking so much! I couldn't even turn the page properly but the funny thing is, I felt like it was so easy to speak, like I was being guided through a higher power somehow.
I think my prayers were answered. Oh,thank you, Dorothy Baker :')
The only thought in my mind when I was speaking was "Make an impact". That's all I wanted. I didn't want to be somebody who just read a few pages of words and was remembered as boring,I wanted everybody to feel what I felt and hopefully get a little empowered to do something.
There was a representative from UNICEF there, Youssouf Oomar. He was so inspiring and empowering. It was amazing to hear him speak with such enthusiasm. He didn't read from any paper or refer to anything. He spontaneously spoke and wow. He was so empowering that I didn't get distracted from anything else happening around me, I was just in awe and so focused to what he was saying.
He spoke about how everybody should be "together" working as one and that we are equal. He spoke about leadership from behind, leadership by example. He also spoke about consultation and that it is not only one person deciding our future, rather all of us consulting together to come up with a rasional, united, and valid solution.
I always think to myself how fulfilling their lives must be.
This is his everyday job, working in UNICEF, finding ways, consulting to better the world.
I met so many amazing youth there from all over PJ.
You could see that they really meant everything they said during the discussions.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.
It's so respectable to see these youth take time from their lives to be a part of development, not just for their futures, but everyone else's too.
Also,it was so nice to see these adults take time off their busy schedules to help us achieve this dream of ours.
In the end, it's all about unity, togetherness, respect, friendship, love, consultation, and action amongst every one of us.
I felt so comfortable there. I felt so comfortable with the people around me despite not knowing them at all.
It felt like everybody let go of differences,conflicts, and stereotypes. It felt like everybody was friends already. I think that's how we should feel everyday.
You could feel the warmth and enthusiasm that everyone felt, the willingness to bring about a change,and oh, it felt so good :)
We broke into 4 groups like the last forum except this one was different.
It was more of consultation and discussion.
Alayna and I were in "Participation(Play Your Part)"
At first, it was a little hectic but then after awhile we managed to come up with a solution on how we youth and children can play our part, how we can voice our opinions.
Us,youth suggested that there should be a society or club of some sort in school(since school is practically our second home) that would have weekly discussions on social issues where children can become aware of what's happening around us, and that we discuss about it, and find solutions to these problems. We said that the NGO should team up with the Education Ministry in order to get this started. But there should be a child welfare representative in each school that takes care of matters like this, someone who organizes things like this in school.
All in all, in the end, we found our solution.
I want everyone to feel what I feel cause it feels so good :)
Yeah,another good day : )
pictures coming soon.
Friday, July 24, 2009
the way you look tonight
Resh! Our favourite movie;My Best Friend's Wedding : )
Well,I know it's mine.
I've watched it a million times, but I've never gotten bored of it.
Despite knowing the ending, I cry everytime I watch it.
When he starts singing to her,my tummy tingles :') Reminds me of.. mm yeah anyway. My favourite part. Yeah, it's a little cheezy but whatever, I love it though it's so very sad.
:'(
Well,I know it's mine.
I've watched it a million times, but I've never gotten bored of it.
Despite knowing the ending, I cry everytime I watch it.
When he starts singing to her,my tummy tingles :') Reminds me of.. mm yeah anyway. My favourite part. Yeah, it's a little cheezy but whatever, I love it though it's so very sad.
:'(
oh, my other honey bee
I'm currently hooked on Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul.
Yes, it has helped me a great deal.
I've been bringing it to class everyday. All the boys are hooked on it too, it's kinda funny hehe
I love my friends :')
...I'm oh so nervous for tomorrow, the follow up for the Forum. Speaking. in BM(English here and there, but mostly BM). and well, yeahhh BM and I, ummmmm yeah not too good a combo. I just hope I don't stumble on names and words or laugh in between. but I'm still really excited for tomorrow : ) Another good day ahead : )
Mia(Nisa,Layna&Ally's cat) just died :(!
oh! my Felangey :'(
Things are so different now.
It's funny how different life can be in just a matter of months.
I don't think I have truly accepted reality yet but I really am trying my best.
Some things just haven't completely sunk in yet.
There are some things I just miss.. alot.
:')
Yes, it has helped me a great deal.
I've been bringing it to class everyday. All the boys are hooked on it too, it's kinda funny hehe
I love my friends :')
...I'm oh so nervous for tomorrow, the follow up for the Forum. Speaking. in BM(English here and there, but mostly BM). and well, yeahhh BM and I, ummmmm yeah not too good a combo. I just hope I don't stumble on names and words or laugh in between. but I'm still really excited for tomorrow : ) Another good day ahead : )
Mia(Nisa,Layna&Ally's cat) just died :(!
oh! my Felangey :'(
Things are so different now.
It's funny how different life can be in just a matter of months.
I don't think I have truly accepted reality yet but I really am trying my best.
Some things just haven't completely sunk in yet.
There are some things I just miss.. alot.
:')
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
warm whispers
I don't think I'm needed anymore.
I don't know if that makes me happy or sad.
I'm stuck in between, leaning on one side though.
Time to focus on what I need to do, what I truly aspire to do.
The confirmations have been sent down, one after another, I'm just trying my best to keep up.
I don't know if that makes me happy or sad.
I'm stuck in between, leaning on one side though.
Time to focus on what I need to do, what I truly aspire to do.
The confirmations have been sent down, one after another, I'm just trying my best to keep up.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
don't stop till you get enough
Yesterday was good.
A couple of the youth and I performed for an event for Pure Life Society.
There were representatives from every religion, and some of them performed too.
The event was actually in memorial of the founder of Pure Life Society, but it circled around one thing, unity.
The most common word used yesterday : one
Everyone was talking about service,unity in diversity,forgetting our differences.
At the end of the event, this man gave a closing speech. He compiled scriptures from all the religions. That was so.. : )
I don't have the pictures from the performance itself(papa didn't know how to work the cam-_-), just the practice before we went on.
yeeee :)
A couple of the youth and I performed for an event for Pure Life Society.
There were representatives from every religion, and some of them performed too.
The event was actually in memorial of the founder of Pure Life Society, but it circled around one thing, unity.
The most common word used yesterday : one
Everyone was talking about service,unity in diversity,forgetting our differences.
At the end of the event, this man gave a closing speech. He compiled scriptures from all the religions. That was so.. : )
I don't have the pictures from the performance itself(papa didn't know how to work the cam-_-), just the practice before we went on.
yeeee :)
Saturday, July 11, 2009
"as ye have faith, so shall your powers be"
There are no words to describe today.
I am beyond happy, beyond fulfilled.
We met with Juan again :)
He is one of those people that will stay engraved in your heart forever.
He moved to Cambodia a few years ago. He came back just for awhile. He's leaving again tomorrow morning :'( If only we had more time....(!)
We love Juan so much!
Every single time we meet with Juan, we learn something new. Okay, not just something, MANY things. We always go home feeling so empowered.
You know, sometimes people come up to me and say "Hey, it's really good, what you're doing at Mentari" and I'd be happy, yeah, but I realize now that I didn't exactly do this. I did, but I wouldn't have if I wasn't brought up in the environment I was brought up in, in the community I grew up in, with the amazing influences around me,the Faith.
I thank everything around me, that I get to see change, that I get to be a part of this change.
Sometimes I question if I'm effecting the children I teach in a good way, I just question if I made the effect I was supposed to but now, I realize that, for every good deed done, someway or another it will effect. Just imagine how everything would be if everyone focused on achieving what we really need today, peace, we need love, we need friendship amongst everyone and just forgetting about our differences. If we could just show a bit of love to someone, practice a virtue and maybeee it would probably have an effect on someone, and that someone would probably pass it on, and it just goes on and on. Woah, one good deed does that much :')
Today I learnt that the answers to the questions we have now lies in our past. We just need to be reminded.
I am beyond happy, beyond fulfilled.
We met with Juan again :)
He is one of those people that will stay engraved in your heart forever.
He moved to Cambodia a few years ago. He came back just for awhile. He's leaving again tomorrow morning :'( If only we had more time....(!)
We love Juan so much!
Every single time we meet with Juan, we learn something new. Okay, not just something, MANY things. We always go home feeling so empowered.
You know, sometimes people come up to me and say "Hey, it's really good, what you're doing at Mentari" and I'd be happy, yeah, but I realize now that I didn't exactly do this. I did, but I wouldn't have if I wasn't brought up in the environment I was brought up in, in the community I grew up in, with the amazing influences around me,the Faith.
I thank everything around me, that I get to see change, that I get to be a part of this change.
Sometimes I question if I'm effecting the children I teach in a good way, I just question if I made the effect I was supposed to but now, I realize that, for every good deed done, someway or another it will effect. Just imagine how everything would be if everyone focused on achieving what we really need today, peace, we need love, we need friendship amongst everyone and just forgetting about our differences. If we could just show a bit of love to someone, practice a virtue and maybeee it would probably have an effect on someone, and that someone would probably pass it on, and it just goes on and on. Woah, one good deed does that much :')
Today I learnt that the answers to the questions we have now lies in our past. We just need to be reminded.
Friday, July 10, 2009
When I need a little bit of joy, I turn to.. :)
Okay I bet everyoooone has seen this one before, but she's just so adorable lah!yeeee geram!
hahaha it's only part of the whole thing but it gets so draggy. she's so cuuuuuute:):)
THIS ONE IS SO FUNNY. I HATE THE SONG BUT MY GOSH, THIS BOY IS AAAAAH:D
More of Yasmin Ahmad,ooh I love.
This one made me laugh. The little boy is adorable!
This one made me cry. It's a little "whaaaaat???" in the beginning but it's so sweet I couldn't help but tear.
Okay. I'm happy,I think.
Okay I bet everyoooone has seen this one before, but she's just so adorable lah!yeeee geram!
hahaha it's only part of the whole thing but it gets so draggy. she's so cuuuuuute:):)
THIS ONE IS SO FUNNY. I HATE THE SONG BUT MY GOSH, THIS BOY IS AAAAAH:D
More of Yasmin Ahmad,ooh I love.
This one made me laugh. The little boy is adorable!
This one made me cry. It's a little "whaaaaat???" in the beginning but it's so sweet I couldn't help but tear.
Okay. I'm happy,I think.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
even the best fall down sometimes, even the stars refuse to shine.
Today has been a day of many realizations.
To let go of one of the few things I was truly sure about, I still am actually(am sure,I mean)
Thank goodness I have my mummy :') I can tell her anything and everything, and she always has the perfect answer, though sometimes it doesn't seem like it, but after rasionalising, it really is.
Whatever it is, I know I'm making the right decision. I know.. we are.
haih. but it's still so hard :'(
Anyway, today after going for Samad's carnival[we kinda went there just to see Herman's band perform and by the waaay, they were truly amazing: ) i love:) i was so happy i finally gotta see them/you perform:) ], ou with my darlings :
okay, this picture isn't exatctly nice but it's the only one I have of the band/carnival :( - :)
haih,always and forever:(
To let go of one of the few things I was truly sure about, I still am actually(am sure,I mean)
Thank goodness I have my mummy :') I can tell her anything and everything, and she always has the perfect answer, though sometimes it doesn't seem like it, but after rasionalising, it really is.
Whatever it is, I know I'm making the right decision. I know.. we are.
haih. but it's still so hard :'(
Anyway, today after going for Samad's carnival[we kinda went there just to see Herman's band perform and by the waaay, they were truly amazing: ) i love:) i was so happy i finally gotta see them/you perform:) ], ou with my darlings :
okay, this picture isn't exatctly nice but it's the only one I have of the band/carnival :( - :)
haih,always and forever:(
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